Extremely Blessed!!!

Wow!!  So much has happened!!  We finished stimulation phase, retrieval has been done and now we are waiting to transfer!  So let me back track a few days to keep everyone up to date.  During the stimulation phase they did an excellent job of keeping my estrogen level within a normal range.  At all of my scan/bloodwork appointments everything was looking right on track.  I did my trigger shots on Monday night the 25th.  When I went in for my check on Tuesday am, they were very pleased with the way things looked. My awesome nurse-Jessica called to let me know everything looked great and we were set for egg retrieval on Wednesday morning.  I asked what my estrogen was because normally she would tell me and she said.. now Liz don't get caught up in that we're on track.  Right away I knew it must have spiked because she didn't want to tell me.  I said please Jessica I have to know- she said it has spiked to 7400 but please do not worry we are still okay.. you are much less than you were the first time which I was at nearly 12k by retrieval. She said you are at the best place you could be and I know everything is scary but I truly believe everything is going to work out.  I couldn't help but stress.. I started to feel like I was reliving the nightmare of the first round.  Tuesday night my mom came in town to stay with us so that she could go to the retrieval with us and take care of me while Thomas was working.  We got up early and thank goodness I was able to sleep like a rock, because Monday night I had food poisioning and was up sick all night.. so Tuesday was all about sleep!  We had to be at the office at 730 for the retrieval.  As I was laying there I felt so many emotions.. I was nervous, scared, happy, sad.. you name it I felt it.  Thomas had to give a new sample that day-- again, poor guy haha!  They took him back and about 15 minutes later they came to get me.  I walked into the surgical room and told the anesthesiologist, I am an extremely hard stick.. I have really small veins and me not being able to drink anything past midnight I was slightly dehydrated.   He started to look at my hands and arms and looked up at the doctor(McKnight) and said this is going to be a tough one.   My arms were so bruised from daily bloodwork he was really left with nothing to work with.. After 3 tries he finally found a small winner in my hand.  Phew!  While he was doing all of that the nerves set in.. As I looked around the room I saw the test tubes, all the supplies and to my right was an incubator...(which I never saw at my first office).  I said is that where they will be?  She said yes sweetie that is where your sweet little ones will be growing and developing.. I lost it, just cried my eyes out.  Dr. McKnight, who I hadn't personally seen but she had done Lacy's procedures was amazing.. She rubbed my legs and kept telling me it was going to be okay and they were going to do everything to make it work!  They told me to scoot down and said you'll feel some warm water-- I said Wait!!  Won't I be asleep, she said yes just getting you prepared, and wouldn't you know that was the last thing I remember until I was in recovery.  I woke up to Thomas and my mom staring at me, my first question was how many did we get?  They said 16 and still counting!  After being in recovery for a while they gave me the go ahead to be released and we headed home.  I sleep most of the afternoon and woke up in quite a bit of pain.  That night was tough, I couldn't get comfortable and I was anxiously waiting for the phone call in the morning to let me know how many, how many were mature and how many fertilized.  I woke up the next morning in pain and with some anxiety.  Jessica called about 9 to inform me that we had a total of 21, 16 were mature and 11 had fertilized.  She eased my nerves and reminded me that they are in a state of the art lab and right where our little ones needed to be.  This was considered day 1.  We wouldn't get a call until day three which happens to be today for an update on how our embryos were looking and how many had survived!  We received the best news we could have-- all 11 were still developing and looking good and we are set for a 5 day transfer on Monday!!  I couldn't help but start crying!!  I remember the phone call from round 1 like it was yesterday.  SHe told me they weren't looking good and we would need to come in the next day for transfer, after 12 we only had 3 and none were able to be frozen.. ugh.  I knew I couldn't handle that devastation again.  There are no guarantees and this journey is all a waiting game, but to hear all 11 are still progressing gives me such hope which I was beginning to loose.  Let me make myself clear I have never lost faith-- faith that God knows what is best for us regardless of what I want or what I feel is best.. but hope, my hope tank was on E.  Now it's full again!!  We need our prayer warriors to please pray that our little ones continue to develop and progress normally over the next two days and that we have two little fighters to transfer on Monday.  Lacy is ex tactic and we are over the moon!!  We truly feel our prayers and dreams of becoming a Mom and Dad might be coming true!  Also some other great news... we will be an AUnt and Uncle again any hour now!!!  Allison (thomas' sister) should be having our precious niece Logan sometime this evening!!  SO many good things happening lately I can't help but be overjoyed that we're having some of the goodness!!!  Again, we want to thank everyone for their support and prayers through all of this.  We chose to put our story out there in hopes of helping others and everytime I get a message, text or call from someone saying how we have inspired them makes every emotion we have felt or every comment that we have had to deal with worth it.  I pray that no one has to go through any type of fertility treatment but studies show 1 in every 4 couples will have some type of issue and they can all be very different.  Just remember before you judge someones journey, take a few steps and see how far you get.. #babybray #round2 #justonegoodone

Here are a few snap shots from the past couple of days: 

Follicle check! That probe is scary just sayin!! Hah!

Looking good!

Growing!

Trigger #1

My transfer socks from my sock buddy!!

Strongest woman I know! Mama.. or Nanny as the baby will call her ;)

My rock, better half and the one God chose for me..oh yah and Baby Daddy! 

Courtesy of the baby daddy!  Good meds! 

Counting down until retrieval!!

Since my last post I went in to see Dr. McKenzie last Thursday for my suppression check- the purpose of this appointment was to check my levels and ovaries to make sure they were responding to the medication they had me on.  During the first round my estrogen was extremely high and they are doing everything they can to prevent this from happening again and causing me to hyperstimmualte--not good.  When you hyperstimmulate your ovaries retain fluid around them, causing a number of issues some as minor as bloating and nausea but can become very severe where the fluid can start pushing on your organs causing a number of problems.  Their goal this round is to keep my estrogen level within a certain range so they had to have me on two different medications prior to starting the stimmulation to basically place my body in a "meopausal state" where my estrogen would be very low so that when I start stimualtions they can build me up slowly.  At the suppression check Dr. McKenzie wasn't avaiable for my ultrasound so Dr. Hickman who is the owner and director of the office completed my ultrasound on Thursday.  The best surprise of the appointment was when we walked into the reception area to sign in and my best friend, Heidi was there.   She surprised me!  Now the next surprise was that when Dr. Hickman did the ultrasound he found about 20 follicles in my right ovary and 25 in the left.  He told us he feels that I have poly cystic ovaries but not the syndrome.  For me this means I produce numerous follicles in each ovary-- which is not always a good thing.  The first round total we had 25 follicles and I hyperstimmulated and now I have nearly double that.  Dr. Hickman called Dr. Scollcraft who is the the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine to discuss my case-- he is like the guru of gurus-- I thought this was so neat and I was really pleased that they had taken such an intrest in my case.  They decided to stop the Lupron that I had been on for 10 days and switch me to ganarelix for the weekend. Friday- Sunday.. it is similar to the lurpon for suppression but just a different med.  Over the weekend we went with some friends (Khahn and JW) to Louisiana to celebrate her 30th birthday.  We had such a great time getting away from everything and leaving all of our worries behind.  It was much needed!!  Unforutnatly we had to come back to reality and start stimualtion meds on Monday.  Lacy had her appointment on Monday and everything looked perfect.  Her uterus was just how they wanted it to be and all of her bloodwork looked great.  Paul came also to have his bloodwork done and everything was great.  I am currently on day 3 and I am already bloated and have gained about 4-5 pounds.  I went Wednesday for bloodwork to check my estrogen level and it was right where they wanted it to be.  The lowered one of the dosages of my injections from 150 to 75.  I will go in tomorrow (Friday) to find out more of a timeline of when my retrieval will be.  I am anxious to find out because I am such a planner and not knowing has kind of thrown me for a loop... Actually it's not only that I am a planner but kind of a control freak (haha) so not knowing and having it all out of my hands has been very interesting.  The first round Thomas and I discussed names a lot and of course I couldn't help but think about names again this round.  There are so many names I just love it will be hard to just choose 1 or maybe 2 :)  It has been raining quite a bit around here so we haven't been able to do much outside, which actrually works out for me considering I am so tired from all the meds and already so bloated.  I actually embrace my little egg bump, after all it is the closest thing I will have to a baby bump so it kind of gives me an idea of what it would be like.  During our first round I keep in close contact with 3 other girls who were all going through IVF and all stories were very different; one used an egg donor, one did traditional IVF and after multiple failed IVFs one is now using a surrogate-- and they are all PREGNANT!!  I'm hoping this is a good sign for our furture and that we will be next!!  Thomas' sister is due the first week in June but could go any day now.. She is having a little girl and reminds me of why I think I want a boy so bad.. I could go broke buying cute clothes really quickly!  Today will be day 4 of my injections and tomorrow I will hopefully be given good news!  I do have to add a little something-- This week at church we are hosting families through family promise.  What we do is house families who are involved in the program.  It is up to a 90 day program that helps families who have been displaced from their homes.  There is a facility that they go to during the day where they can shower, job search and get ready for the day.  Local churches participate and from 630pm-530am they stay at the church.  We all sign up for different duties throughout the week.  I always sign up to bring dinner for two nights.  During those two nights I met a mother and her two daughters and just clicked with them.  The girls were so sweet and just gravtitated to me.  When I left last night the 11 year old hugged me tight and asked if I could please stay with them... just broke my heart.  Another girl from a different family asked if they could stay here on the weekends, not having any idea that next week they will be a different church.  It definitely puts things into perspective and makes me so ashamed at how down I get.  I have a house, nice vehicles, food on the table and a family that loves me.  Sometimes we just forget how blessed we are.  Here are some photos from the week.  #babybray #justonegoodone #blessed

shots, shots, oh yah shots!

Let's do this!! Making eggs baby!

 Crazy Paul giving the techs a hard time!!

 Couldn't ask for a better woman to carry our little one!! :)

 2nd times a charm!!

Goodies for Lacy after transfer!! 

Tomorrow is suppression check!

Well the past two weeks have been extremely tough, not only on me but on my poor hubby.  He has put up with my extreme hot flashes, headaches and these lovely mood swings.  The first round I did not have to take these injections, I went straight into stimulations.  I will go in tomorrow morning for my first ultrasound and bloodwork.  They will take a look at everything and if all looks good I will start the stimualtion injections on Saturday.  I had in my head all along that this round would be easier because I knew what to expect but I feel that the harsh reality of it possibly not working again is just haunting me.  Everywhere I turn someone is pregnant... I mean everywhere.  I'm not the type to get down or sad but for some reason I have had a really hard time.  I will never forget the phone call the first time.  I feel like it was just yesterday, I can still hear the nurses voice and remember what we were doing the exact minute she called.  I feel much more confident in our new office and feel so blessed to have the opportunity to try again.  I've been asked what will we do if it doesn't work again, and unfortunately it is reality but I try not to think about it.  I know that God has a plan for us, I've said that from the start.. I'm just starting to realize that it might not be the exact plan I was looking for.  What doesn't kill us will only make us stronger I suppose.  Lacy will go in on Friday for her ultrasound and bloodwork to make sure she is ready for everything.  I am apart of quite a few facebook pages for women who are going through IVF, whether it be traditional or using a surrogate and they do a "sock buddy".  Where other women who are transferring and having their eggs retrieved around the same time as your send you special socks to wear during your procedures or any other little gifts to go along with it.  I'm looking forward to it!  I'm praying that tomorrow is a better day and that the Dr. McKenzie is pleased with everything tomorrow and we are a go for Saturday!

Week 2 for Lacy, Week 1 for me! SHots!

Well the past couple of days have been an absolute roller coaster of emotions.  Thursday afternoon when I got off of work I headed to Brenham for the weekend.  On the way there I had been back and forth with two pharmacies trying to order all of my medication for round 2.. The first pharmacy- Freedom, recommended I try using my insurance benefits to see if they would cover anything-- no one told me this the first round, so I thought well heck yes, of course I will try to use them!  They sent my prescriptions over to Prime Specialties who were contracted with my insurance.  Originally I was quoted $3400 for the medications through Freedom.. after speaking to Prime Specialties they told me the only two medications my insurance would cover were my antibiotic, Lupron and Novarel-- which out of pocket would have only been about 400 to begin with, with insurance I paid $99 which was still a savings.. however the two medications I needed to stimulate- Gonal-F and Menopur were not covered by my insurance and they were willing to give me the cash price which was $5054... after nearly running off the road and spitting my diet dp out, I burst into tears.  It was finally hitting me that we were really starting this journey all over again with a 50/50 chance of conceiving.  I second guessed everything and it all came to the surface.. every emotion I have kept built up and behind closed doors was coming out all at once.  I was mad, sad, nervous, overwhelmed, grateful but also very angry.  I didn't understand why for so many it had worked, or even the fact that people could conceive with no issues yet, have no means to take care of a child.  Why did all of this have to happen to us?  Thomas is going to be the best father and I couldn't even make him one.  You name it, I felt it.  Everywhere I turn someone is pregnant and I mean everywhere.. it's almost like it was starting to haunt me.  I used to be so happy to see someone pregnant and now I dreaded it, it was like I couldn't face it.  This was not me nor the person I wanted to be.. I have tried to be so strong through this all and couldn't understand why I was breaking down, this was not like me.  After a few days of tears and anger.. I started feeling I had gotten away from the one thing that has helped us through this all and that was church.  We have been so busy the past couple of weeks that we have been able to go to church on Sunday for being out of town and Monday bible study got pushed to the back burner.  I absolutely feel this played a major part in what I call my "break down".  Today was a better and new day.  Work was hell for a Monday but I personally felt more like myself.  Lacy started her Lupron injections last week and I will start mine tonight.  I have to admit I am a little apprehensive about how my body will react to them only because with the first round I reacted so quickly and strong with everything.  The explained the side effects and the purpose of the lupron and birth control pills are to place my body in a menopausal state so when they start the stimulation inejctions on the 16th hopefully my estrogen will not get as elevated as the first time.  They would like to keep me between 2-5k versus possibly 10-12k the first round.  Also this round I have only taken two vitamins- COQ-10 and vitamin D.  Dr. McKenzie feels I will do well with everything but the side effects will be on the stronger side due to how my body reacts.  Hopefully Thomas is able to stick it out one more round with me and he doesn't run away(haha).. praying for a positive result for us all.  Paul and Lacy are just amazing.  Paul is having to take antibiotics just for precautions and he was a little upset today that I hadn't called checking to see how he was with the antibiotics(joking) but he did get a little upset tummy haha!  On a serious note, they are so strong and supportive and everything for Thomas and I.  We could not have chosen a better couple to share this journey with and are extremely blessed.  We're off to bible study tonight and maybe doing a little celebrating tomorrow// After all it's CInco de Mayo and our 3 year anniversary!!