Week 2 for Lacy, Week 1 for me! SHots!

Well the past couple of days have been an absolute roller coaster of emotions.  Thursday afternoon when I got off of work I headed to Brenham for the weekend.  On the way there I had been back and forth with two pharmacies trying to order all of my medication for round 2.. The first pharmacy- Freedom, recommended I try using my insurance benefits to see if they would cover anything-- no one told me this the first round, so I thought well heck yes, of course I will try to use them!  They sent my prescriptions over to Prime Specialties who were contracted with my insurance.  Originally I was quoted $3400 for the medications through Freedom.. after speaking to Prime Specialties they told me the only two medications my insurance would cover were my antibiotic, Lupron and Novarel-- which out of pocket would have only been about 400 to begin with, with insurance I paid $99 which was still a savings.. however the two medications I needed to stimulate- Gonal-F and Menopur were not covered by my insurance and they were willing to give me the cash price which was $5054... after nearly running off the road and spitting my diet dp out, I burst into tears.  It was finally hitting me that we were really starting this journey all over again with a 50/50 chance of conceiving.  I second guessed everything and it all came to the surface.. every emotion I have kept built up and behind closed doors was coming out all at once.  I was mad, sad, nervous, overwhelmed, grateful but also very angry.  I didn't understand why for so many it had worked, or even the fact that people could conceive with no issues yet, have no means to take care of a child.  Why did all of this have to happen to us?  Thomas is going to be the best father and I couldn't even make him one.  You name it, I felt it.  Everywhere I turn someone is pregnant and I mean everywhere.. it's almost like it was starting to haunt me.  I used to be so happy to see someone pregnant and now I dreaded it, it was like I couldn't face it.  This was not me nor the person I wanted to be.. I have tried to be so strong through this all and couldn't understand why I was breaking down, this was not like me.  After a few days of tears and anger.. I started feeling I had gotten away from the one thing that has helped us through this all and that was church.  We have been so busy the past couple of weeks that we have been able to go to church on Sunday for being out of town and Monday bible study got pushed to the back burner.  I absolutely feel this played a major part in what I call my "break down".  Today was a better and new day.  Work was hell for a Monday but I personally felt more like myself.  Lacy started her Lupron injections last week and I will start mine tonight.  I have to admit I am a little apprehensive about how my body will react to them only because with the first round I reacted so quickly and strong with everything.  The explained the side effects and the purpose of the lupron and birth control pills are to place my body in a menopausal state so when they start the stimulation inejctions on the 16th hopefully my estrogen will not get as elevated as the first time.  They would like to keep me between 2-5k versus possibly 10-12k the first round.  Also this round I have only taken two vitamins- COQ-10 and vitamin D.  Dr. McKenzie feels I will do well with everything but the side effects will be on the stronger side due to how my body reacts.  Hopefully Thomas is able to stick it out one more round with me and he doesn't run away(haha).. praying for a positive result for us all.  Paul and Lacy are just amazing.  Paul is having to take antibiotics just for precautions and he was a little upset today that I hadn't called checking to see how he was with the antibiotics(joking) but he did get a little upset tummy haha!  On a serious note, they are so strong and supportive and everything for Thomas and I.  We could not have chosen a better couple to share this journey with and are extremely blessed.  We're off to bible study tonight and maybe doing a little celebrating tomorrow// After all it's CInco de Mayo and our 3 year anniversary!!