Third time is the charm!!

Gosh, never would I have imagined we would be where we are right now.. Here is what has been going on the past two months!!  I last left off with our 2nd transfer and 1st cycle with Houston IVF.  We were so excited and there wasn't a doubt in our mind that we would be pregnant after the nine day waiting period.  We tried to stay busy during that time and we discussed not taking an at home pregnancy test but of course I couldn't wait and had Lacy take one.  Our first at home test we took 5 days after the transfer which usually with the quality of the embryos we transferred we would be getting a positive at home.. She took the test and negative.  I prayed like crazy that night, Please Lord don't let this be happening again.  Thomas was pretty set that if it didn't work this time that we wouldn't try again. Day 6- negative again, Day 7-negative again.. by this time I knew that it "wasn't too early" or "late implantation".. I knew that once again we were getting ready to face the call on day 9 that I remembered all too well..  I tried to prepare myself but deep down I really started to believe that maybe it did work.  We asked for prayers and had so many people reaching out to us, it had to work.  I went in to the office that day to try to stay busy.  We were in the lunch room and the phone rang- it was Jessica(our nurse).. She said;" Liz, How are you?"  I said,"To be honest I have been dreading your call", she then said ,"I have been dreading calling you, I'm so sorry honey but it is negative."  I asked her to please call Lacy because I just couldn't do it, not again.. I couldn't believe we put her through all of this for another negative.  My girls at the office immediately tried to console me but I couldn't face anyone, I didn't want to see or talk to anyone.  I left and went home and sat in my room and cried.  I was so angry, sad, hurt, embarrassed.. you name it, I felt it.  After talking with Thomas and Lacy we decided we would try for a third transfer but keep this one quiet.  I honestly hated keeping it quiet because there are so many of you that truly care and I felt I was being deceitful by not saying anything, but we thought maybe something good would come if we changed things up a bit!  We went in and met with Dr. McKenzie and she told us she never imagined she would be meeting with us.  First thing she ordered was blood work for Lacy just to make sure there wasn't some antibody that was rejecting the embryos- that came back negative which was great news!  If it was positive we would have to start her on blood thinners which was not ideal.  Dr. McKenzie knew how apprehensive Thomas was about another transfer so she made sure to spend time explaining all the ends and outs of this whole process.  In my mind, I knew that we had 7 frozen embryos all of good quality and I felt we can't give up on them.  I knew there had to be at least one fighter in there.  A friend of mine told us a few months ago- I mean surely there's one good one, and boy has that stuck with me.  The fact is when you look at statistics on IVF most cases take multiple transfers as even though they grow to a beautiful 5 day embryo doesn't mean that they are chromosomally healthy.  This transfer would be different as Thomas and I did not have to do anything since we had frozen embryos.  Lacy had to wait to have her cycle and then she was able to start medications up again.  What a trooper she is.  Not only shots, but pills and other things I won't say.. but just know she is a rockstar!!  We knew that this would probably be our last shot for a while and were ready to place all of our cares and worries in God's hands and know that he has our best interest in mind.  Once Lacy started medications, she started going in for bloodwork and ultrasounds to make sure her uterus was ready for the embryos.  Our third transfer was scheduled for August 3rd, which again was a little nerve wracking only because we would not know what the embryos looked like after thaw until we arrived for transfer.  I started worrying that what if they didn't make it through thaw and we would have to keep thawing until we found a healthy one or two.  Well to my surprise when we arrived they gave us the great news that the two that were thawed still looked perfect and showed no signs of degeneration.  Again, we were all able to be in the room and in they came in their little incubator.  We were able to look at them again, and they looked so perfect.  I was a little nervous because I knew that they looked so great the last time also.  This transfer I have to be honest I felt more at peace, not quite so nervous or anxious.  After the transfer there we were again for the 9 day wait!  We opted not to take an at home pregnancy test, although I did ask Lacy a few times, because if she wanted too, you all know I would be all for it!  Before you knew it the 9 days were up and it was the day of bloodwork! August 12th was the day and poor Lacy had an awful morning just trying to get the bloodwork done.   Lab opened later after she drove all the way there, got a warning speeding ticket and got a eye trying to load cows!  I couldn't believe it, all of this and we hadn't even had the blood drawn yet!  AHH!!  Luckily she was okay and the wait was on!  I was at the office again, and sure enough got the call right before I went to lunch.. but not from Jessica, it was THomas this time and he was calling the office which he never does-- He says, "Well do you want the good news or the bad news... The bad news for you is you're stuck with me forever and the good news is, I'm going to be a daddy and you're going to be a mama!!"  What?  Wait, what?  Huh?  Did I hear you correctly??  I couldn't believe it... I immediately lost it.  It was finally coming true!  I was going to be a mom!!  I walked back to the break room and everyone was standing up waiting for my response and I couldn't even talk all I could do was give them a thumbs up!!  Our numbers needed to be over 50 and we were at 140!  We had repeat bloodwork two days later and our number didn't jump quite like we thought it would and went from 140 to 232, Jessica said do not worry but we will check again in 4 days just to make sure we're rising like we want.  4 days later we were at 965!  I couldn't believe it, no more bloodwork then we just waited for the 27th for the ultrasound. We opted not to say anything pubically until after the ultrasound.  It couldn't get here soon enough.  What an experience.  All of the "moms" came with us.  My mom, Lynnann and Julie.  First in the room we just had Lacy, myself and Thomas.  Dr. McKenzie came in and was so excited that we had made it this far.  They told us they were looking for a heartbeat but if they didn't hear it we would come back the following week to look again because sometimes it's hard to detect.  As soon as she started looking around I saw the black gestational sac right away and took a deep breathe followed by a flow of tears.  She explained that everything looked perfect.  We have one large sac with a baby and a strong heartbeat of 117 bpm.  As she looked around she also saw another sac, but it didn't look like it was developing on schedule and said it probably would not progress any further.  Upset?  I don't know if upset is a good word but I did feel some sadness only because I felt like one of our little peas tried but just wasn't strong enough.  She told us we would check again in 2 weeks and if everything looked good, we would be transferred to Lacy's ob.  I said, wait.. don't make us leave, we like it here and don't want to go anywhere else!!  It is standard that once you are 8 weeks healthy gestation that they release you.  I just can't imagine having to deal with another office.  After the care that has been delivered at Houston IVF the new office has some very big shoes to fill!  Once everything was good we brought all the moms in to hear the heartbeat and see their newest grandbaby.  What an emotional rollercoaster all of this has been and to think we have finally made it here.  We are only here because God has placed something so amazing in Lacy's heart to give her everything to us and carry our little pea.  She is truly our angel on earth.  Here are a few snapshots from the last couple of visits... Our next ultrasound is on September 10th- if all is good, off the the OB we go!!

No searching for those lines!! 

 Our Super Surro Pea Mama!

 Our little fighter is in there!!

 How amazing is she?

 Uterus looking perfecto!

The little white spot is where they are placed!

 We always had to search for a positive line and this time is was as bright as it could be!!!  Love this gem!!

 My baby daddy and I!! 

Sibohan and Laretha- our lab ladies that are the best at drawing blood!  They made sure to come out and hug us and cry with us!!  They were so excited for us!!

 Our little fighter!! The smaller black sac is #2 that they will keep an eye on.

This was before the ultrasound-- what are the odds?!

Transfer Day!!

One of the days you count down until is here!  We woke up this morning still feeling pretty good.  Thomas and I talked a lot last night about some of the what if's and some of the things that both of us were worried about.  My biggest fear is that we would go in and there wouldn't be any embryos left.  I can't explain to anyone what it is like, unless of course you've been there.  I hate to keep comparing things to our first round and this round has been so different but in the back of my mind I can't help but remember the call that they weren't looking good and we would need to proceed with transfer.  This round at day 3, they were still looking really good so now we just needed them to still be strong on day 5- which is today.  The didn't take them out yesterday because they do not want to disturb them so it is all about a waiting game.  Lacy and Paul opted to drive in this morning since our transfer wasn't scheduled until 11 and we had to check-in at 1030.  I put together a big basket of candy for the office to have, a gift for Lacy and for our nurse Jessica.  First, Lacy had to have some bloodwork done and Jessica came by to check on us.  She was so excited-- she said, "Have they told you??".. I said no what's up!??  She said let me check one thing and I will be right back... She came back with tears in her eyes and said y'all have 7 that look great.  Most are grade AA and you have a few BB- which is still great.  Immediately I started crying and Lacy was elated with joy!  We couldn't believe it!  Jessica said, this is it Liz.. it is going to work!  The two they are transferring are absolutely perfect!  I couldn't wait to get out to the reception area to tell Thomas.  He was completely shocked!  We both were!  This was such great news!  I went back with Lacy to get her ready for transfer and once we were in the room the boys came in also.  The first round I was the only one able to go back with Lacy which I really hated.  I really wanted Thomas there and Paul too for Lacy.  This round we were all going to be in the room for the transfer.  What an absolutely amazing procedure and how different this office was versus our first office... NIGHT AND DAY!  Houston IVF is absolutely amazing-- so high tech.  Thomas and I both agreed if this is going to work we were definitely at the right place.  Once we got settled in the boys came in and shortly after the embryologist came in to talk to us about the two we were transferring.  He said they were the best quality they could be and he was very happy with them.  Next he brought them in.. In came an incubator, I immediately lost it.  I knew that inside there were two babies, that even though I wouldn't be able to help them finish growing, that Thomas and I made those... together.  Just a rush of emotions.  Thomas even got teary eyed- hell we all did!  What an amazing thing!  He asked if we wanted to come look at them, I couldn't believe it.  I looked first and then Thomas.  There is nothing like it, nothing!  It is amazing to think this is how we all start out!  A little blob... and ours were just beautiful.  I feel like I just love them already.  I can't explain it.  I've wanted nothing more than for Thomas and I to be able to make a baby and now we possibly have.  Just overwhelming. Dr. McKenzie came in and went over everything with us.  We prayed over everything and got started.  Dr. McKenzie is great-- can't say enough good things about her.  She said, "Elizabeth I can't tell you how happy I was when I came in this morning to see what the embryos looked like.  After what you all have been through I just want this to work."  She explained everything she did while she was doing it.  The communication between her and the embryologist was amazing.  He never left the room.. We were able to watch the actual placement of the embryos in Lacy's uterus on the ultrasound screen.  They use a small catheter to place them in and she took her time.  Round 1 it was done so fast.  This time she  said I want them towards the top of her uterus and I want to make a little well for them to be comfortable in.  Just explainable. After the actual transfer the embryologist flushes the catheter to make sure both were flushed in.  All was good!  Dr. McKenzie sat for a few minutes and visited with us.  She said, " I wish I had a crystal ball, and I wish I could tell you this will work but it's out of our hands.. we've done all we can do, but I want you to know that I have never placed embryos of your quality and my patient have to do another round." I know that every case is extremely different and we need Lacy's uterus to accept these babies and help them thrive, but I have so much more hope this time.. Never loosing faith, but hope is surely back in the picture.  We will have a blood work pregnancy test next Wednesday and if, well I should say when it is positive the first twelve weeks are crucial for development.  Thank you all for your prayers and support-- it is making our dreams come true!  Now we just wait.. which by now I should be better at, but anyone that knows me knows that I am NOT good at that!!  #babybray #round2

As always here is a few snapshots..

Heart as big as Texas!

 Here they come!!

Their home for the past 5 days.. time to get cozy in that U!!

 Proud Papa checking out our babies!!

 Getting ready to transfer

 They are the white spot in the middle of the black blob.

 Perfect 5-day embryos!

Our first sonogram picture! Grow babies, GROW!!

Paul had to get comfy!! Hahah!

Extremely Blessed!!!

Wow!!  So much has happened!!  We finished stimulation phase, retrieval has been done and now we are waiting to transfer!  So let me back track a few days to keep everyone up to date.  During the stimulation phase they did an excellent job of keeping my estrogen level within a normal range.  At all of my scan/bloodwork appointments everything was looking right on track.  I did my trigger shots on Monday night the 25th.  When I went in for my check on Tuesday am, they were very pleased with the way things looked. My awesome nurse-Jessica called to let me know everything looked great and we were set for egg retrieval on Wednesday morning.  I asked what my estrogen was because normally she would tell me and she said.. now Liz don't get caught up in that we're on track.  Right away I knew it must have spiked because she didn't want to tell me.  I said please Jessica I have to know- she said it has spiked to 7400 but please do not worry we are still okay.. you are much less than you were the first time which I was at nearly 12k by retrieval. She said you are at the best place you could be and I know everything is scary but I truly believe everything is going to work out.  I couldn't help but stress.. I started to feel like I was reliving the nightmare of the first round.  Tuesday night my mom came in town to stay with us so that she could go to the retrieval with us and take care of me while Thomas was working.  We got up early and thank goodness I was able to sleep like a rock, because Monday night I had food poisioning and was up sick all night.. so Tuesday was all about sleep!  We had to be at the office at 730 for the retrieval.  As I was laying there I felt so many emotions.. I was nervous, scared, happy, sad.. you name it I felt it.  Thomas had to give a new sample that day-- again, poor guy haha!  They took him back and about 15 minutes later they came to get me.  I walked into the surgical room and told the anesthesiologist, I am an extremely hard stick.. I have really small veins and me not being able to drink anything past midnight I was slightly dehydrated.   He started to look at my hands and arms and looked up at the doctor(McKnight) and said this is going to be a tough one.   My arms were so bruised from daily bloodwork he was really left with nothing to work with.. After 3 tries he finally found a small winner in my hand.  Phew!  While he was doing all of that the nerves set in.. As I looked around the room I saw the test tubes, all the supplies and to my right was an incubator...(which I never saw at my first office).  I said is that where they will be?  She said yes sweetie that is where your sweet little ones will be growing and developing.. I lost it, just cried my eyes out.  Dr. McKnight, who I hadn't personally seen but she had done Lacy's procedures was amazing.. She rubbed my legs and kept telling me it was going to be okay and they were going to do everything to make it work!  They told me to scoot down and said you'll feel some warm water-- I said Wait!!  Won't I be asleep, she said yes just getting you prepared, and wouldn't you know that was the last thing I remember until I was in recovery.  I woke up to Thomas and my mom staring at me, my first question was how many did we get?  They said 16 and still counting!  After being in recovery for a while they gave me the go ahead to be released and we headed home.  I sleep most of the afternoon and woke up in quite a bit of pain.  That night was tough, I couldn't get comfortable and I was anxiously waiting for the phone call in the morning to let me know how many, how many were mature and how many fertilized.  I woke up the next morning in pain and with some anxiety.  Jessica called about 9 to inform me that we had a total of 21, 16 were mature and 11 had fertilized.  She eased my nerves and reminded me that they are in a state of the art lab and right where our little ones needed to be.  This was considered day 1.  We wouldn't get a call until day three which happens to be today for an update on how our embryos were looking and how many had survived!  We received the best news we could have-- all 11 were still developing and looking good and we are set for a 5 day transfer on Monday!!  I couldn't help but start crying!!  I remember the phone call from round 1 like it was yesterday.  SHe told me they weren't looking good and we would need to come in the next day for transfer, after 12 we only had 3 and none were able to be frozen.. ugh.  I knew I couldn't handle that devastation again.  There are no guarantees and this journey is all a waiting game, but to hear all 11 are still progressing gives me such hope which I was beginning to loose.  Let me make myself clear I have never lost faith-- faith that God knows what is best for us regardless of what I want or what I feel is best.. but hope, my hope tank was on E.  Now it's full again!!  We need our prayer warriors to please pray that our little ones continue to develop and progress normally over the next two days and that we have two little fighters to transfer on Monday.  Lacy is ex tactic and we are over the moon!!  We truly feel our prayers and dreams of becoming a Mom and Dad might be coming true!  Also some other great news... we will be an AUnt and Uncle again any hour now!!!  Allison (thomas' sister) should be having our precious niece Logan sometime this evening!!  SO many good things happening lately I can't help but be overjoyed that we're having some of the goodness!!!  Again, we want to thank everyone for their support and prayers through all of this.  We chose to put our story out there in hopes of helping others and everytime I get a message, text or call from someone saying how we have inspired them makes every emotion we have felt or every comment that we have had to deal with worth it.  I pray that no one has to go through any type of fertility treatment but studies show 1 in every 4 couples will have some type of issue and they can all be very different.  Just remember before you judge someones journey, take a few steps and see how far you get.. #babybray #round2 #justonegoodone

Here are a few snap shots from the past couple of days: 

Follicle check! That probe is scary just sayin!! Hah!

Looking good!

Growing!

Trigger #1

My transfer socks from my sock buddy!!

Strongest woman I know! Mama.. or Nanny as the baby will call her ;)

My rock, better half and the one God chose for me..oh yah and Baby Daddy! 

Courtesy of the baby daddy!  Good meds! 

Counting down until retrieval!!

Since my last post I went in to see Dr. McKenzie last Thursday for my suppression check- the purpose of this appointment was to check my levels and ovaries to make sure they were responding to the medication they had me on.  During the first round my estrogen was extremely high and they are doing everything they can to prevent this from happening again and causing me to hyperstimmualte--not good.  When you hyperstimmulate your ovaries retain fluid around them, causing a number of issues some as minor as bloating and nausea but can become very severe where the fluid can start pushing on your organs causing a number of problems.  Their goal this round is to keep my estrogen level within a certain range so they had to have me on two different medications prior to starting the stimmulation to basically place my body in a "meopausal state" where my estrogen would be very low so that when I start stimualtions they can build me up slowly.  At the suppression check Dr. McKenzie wasn't avaiable for my ultrasound so Dr. Hickman who is the owner and director of the office completed my ultrasound on Thursday.  The best surprise of the appointment was when we walked into the reception area to sign in and my best friend, Heidi was there.   She surprised me!  Now the next surprise was that when Dr. Hickman did the ultrasound he found about 20 follicles in my right ovary and 25 in the left.  He told us he feels that I have poly cystic ovaries but not the syndrome.  For me this means I produce numerous follicles in each ovary-- which is not always a good thing.  The first round total we had 25 follicles and I hyperstimmulated and now I have nearly double that.  Dr. Hickman called Dr. Scollcraft who is the the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine to discuss my case-- he is like the guru of gurus-- I thought this was so neat and I was really pleased that they had taken such an intrest in my case.  They decided to stop the Lupron that I had been on for 10 days and switch me to ganarelix for the weekend. Friday- Sunday.. it is similar to the lurpon for suppression but just a different med.  Over the weekend we went with some friends (Khahn and JW) to Louisiana to celebrate her 30th birthday.  We had such a great time getting away from everything and leaving all of our worries behind.  It was much needed!!  Unforutnatly we had to come back to reality and start stimualtion meds on Monday.  Lacy had her appointment on Monday and everything looked perfect.  Her uterus was just how they wanted it to be and all of her bloodwork looked great.  Paul came also to have his bloodwork done and everything was great.  I am currently on day 3 and I am already bloated and have gained about 4-5 pounds.  I went Wednesday for bloodwork to check my estrogen level and it was right where they wanted it to be.  The lowered one of the dosages of my injections from 150 to 75.  I will go in tomorrow (Friday) to find out more of a timeline of when my retrieval will be.  I am anxious to find out because I am such a planner and not knowing has kind of thrown me for a loop... Actually it's not only that I am a planner but kind of a control freak (haha) so not knowing and having it all out of my hands has been very interesting.  The first round Thomas and I discussed names a lot and of course I couldn't help but think about names again this round.  There are so many names I just love it will be hard to just choose 1 or maybe 2 :)  It has been raining quite a bit around here so we haven't been able to do much outside, which actrually works out for me considering I am so tired from all the meds and already so bloated.  I actually embrace my little egg bump, after all it is the closest thing I will have to a baby bump so it kind of gives me an idea of what it would be like.  During our first round I keep in close contact with 3 other girls who were all going through IVF and all stories were very different; one used an egg donor, one did traditional IVF and after multiple failed IVFs one is now using a surrogate-- and they are all PREGNANT!!  I'm hoping this is a good sign for our furture and that we will be next!!  Thomas' sister is due the first week in June but could go any day now.. She is having a little girl and reminds me of why I think I want a boy so bad.. I could go broke buying cute clothes really quickly!  Today will be day 4 of my injections and tomorrow I will hopefully be given good news!  I do have to add a little something-- This week at church we are hosting families through family promise.  What we do is house families who are involved in the program.  It is up to a 90 day program that helps families who have been displaced from their homes.  There is a facility that they go to during the day where they can shower, job search and get ready for the day.  Local churches participate and from 630pm-530am they stay at the church.  We all sign up for different duties throughout the week.  I always sign up to bring dinner for two nights.  During those two nights I met a mother and her two daughters and just clicked with them.  The girls were so sweet and just gravtitated to me.  When I left last night the 11 year old hugged me tight and asked if I could please stay with them... just broke my heart.  Another girl from a different family asked if they could stay here on the weekends, not having any idea that next week they will be a different church.  It definitely puts things into perspective and makes me so ashamed at how down I get.  I have a house, nice vehicles, food on the table and a family that loves me.  Sometimes we just forget how blessed we are.  Here are some photos from the week.  #babybray #justonegoodone #blessed

shots, shots, oh yah shots!

Let's do this!! Making eggs baby!

 Crazy Paul giving the techs a hard time!!

 Couldn't ask for a better woman to carry our little one!! :)

 2nd times a charm!!

Goodies for Lacy after transfer!! 

Tomorrow is suppression check!

Well the past two weeks have been extremely tough, not only on me but on my poor hubby.  He has put up with my extreme hot flashes, headaches and these lovely mood swings.  The first round I did not have to take these injections, I went straight into stimulations.  I will go in tomorrow morning for my first ultrasound and bloodwork.  They will take a look at everything and if all looks good I will start the stimualtion injections on Saturday.  I had in my head all along that this round would be easier because I knew what to expect but I feel that the harsh reality of it possibly not working again is just haunting me.  Everywhere I turn someone is pregnant... I mean everywhere.  I'm not the type to get down or sad but for some reason I have had a really hard time.  I will never forget the phone call the first time.  I feel like it was just yesterday, I can still hear the nurses voice and remember what we were doing the exact minute she called.  I feel much more confident in our new office and feel so blessed to have the opportunity to try again.  I've been asked what will we do if it doesn't work again, and unfortunately it is reality but I try not to think about it.  I know that God has a plan for us, I've said that from the start.. I'm just starting to realize that it might not be the exact plan I was looking for.  What doesn't kill us will only make us stronger I suppose.  Lacy will go in on Friday for her ultrasound and bloodwork to make sure she is ready for everything.  I am apart of quite a few facebook pages for women who are going through IVF, whether it be traditional or using a surrogate and they do a "sock buddy".  Where other women who are transferring and having their eggs retrieved around the same time as your send you special socks to wear during your procedures or any other little gifts to go along with it.  I'm looking forward to it!  I'm praying that tomorrow is a better day and that the Dr. McKenzie is pleased with everything tomorrow and we are a go for Saturday!

Week 2 for Lacy, Week 1 for me! SHots!

Well the past couple of days have been an absolute roller coaster of emotions.  Thursday afternoon when I got off of work I headed to Brenham for the weekend.  On the way there I had been back and forth with two pharmacies trying to order all of my medication for round 2.. The first pharmacy- Freedom, recommended I try using my insurance benefits to see if they would cover anything-- no one told me this the first round, so I thought well heck yes, of course I will try to use them!  They sent my prescriptions over to Prime Specialties who were contracted with my insurance.  Originally I was quoted $3400 for the medications through Freedom.. after speaking to Prime Specialties they told me the only two medications my insurance would cover were my antibiotic, Lupron and Novarel-- which out of pocket would have only been about 400 to begin with, with insurance I paid $99 which was still a savings.. however the two medications I needed to stimulate- Gonal-F and Menopur were not covered by my insurance and they were willing to give me the cash price which was $5054... after nearly running off the road and spitting my diet dp out, I burst into tears.  It was finally hitting me that we were really starting this journey all over again with a 50/50 chance of conceiving.  I second guessed everything and it all came to the surface.. every emotion I have kept built up and behind closed doors was coming out all at once.  I was mad, sad, nervous, overwhelmed, grateful but also very angry.  I didn't understand why for so many it had worked, or even the fact that people could conceive with no issues yet, have no means to take care of a child.  Why did all of this have to happen to us?  Thomas is going to be the best father and I couldn't even make him one.  You name it, I felt it.  Everywhere I turn someone is pregnant and I mean everywhere.. it's almost like it was starting to haunt me.  I used to be so happy to see someone pregnant and now I dreaded it, it was like I couldn't face it.  This was not me nor the person I wanted to be.. I have tried to be so strong through this all and couldn't understand why I was breaking down, this was not like me.  After a few days of tears and anger.. I started feeling I had gotten away from the one thing that has helped us through this all and that was church.  We have been so busy the past couple of weeks that we have been able to go to church on Sunday for being out of town and Monday bible study got pushed to the back burner.  I absolutely feel this played a major part in what I call my "break down".  Today was a better and new day.  Work was hell for a Monday but I personally felt more like myself.  Lacy started her Lupron injections last week and I will start mine tonight.  I have to admit I am a little apprehensive about how my body will react to them only because with the first round I reacted so quickly and strong with everything.  The explained the side effects and the purpose of the lupron and birth control pills are to place my body in a menopausal state so when they start the stimulation inejctions on the 16th hopefully my estrogen will not get as elevated as the first time.  They would like to keep me between 2-5k versus possibly 10-12k the first round.  Also this round I have only taken two vitamins- COQ-10 and vitamin D.  Dr. McKenzie feels I will do well with everything but the side effects will be on the stronger side due to how my body reacts.  Hopefully Thomas is able to stick it out one more round with me and he doesn't run away(haha).. praying for a positive result for us all.  Paul and Lacy are just amazing.  Paul is having to take antibiotics just for precautions and he was a little upset today that I hadn't called checking to see how he was with the antibiotics(joking) but he did get a little upset tummy haha!  On a serious note, they are so strong and supportive and everything for Thomas and I.  We could not have chosen a better couple to share this journey with and are extremely blessed.  We're off to bible study tonight and maybe doing a little celebrating tomorrow// After all it's CInco de Mayo and our 3 year anniversary!!

Time is flying by!!

Quite a bit has happened since my last update--

Paul and Lacy came down for our group appointment with Leslee Murphy, which went great!  That morning Paul and Lacy met with her first and then all four of us sat and talked with her.  I knew that it was going to go smooth because 1- we had already been through this once and 2- we have an extremely open line of communication, which without that we wouldn't have made it this far!  We all opened up and spoke about the first round and preparing for the second.  It was nice to see that everything was laid out on the table.  That day Lacy also had the hysteroscopy redone and they were very pleased with the results- as usual she has a beautiful uterus! HAHA!  Later that afternoon we received our medication calendars and we able to really see a time line and all the dots connecting.  As of now we are both on birth control- Lacy will start her lupron injections on Monday and I will start my lupron suppression phase on May 4th.  On May 14th I will go in for what they call a "suppression check"- if everything is looking good  I will start stimulation phase on the 16th and then will start the daily/bi-daily bloodwork and ultrasounds.  I am praying for smoothness and healthy embryos this time around.  We have everything in order now we just wait for the days to pass, which they really seem like they have been flying by.  I called and paid for Lacy and I's medications today- wow.  I'm not going to lie sometimes I honestly think about what all of the money we have spent could buy.  There is no way we would have been able to do all of this without our family and friends.  We are so blessed to have such a strong support system, it is just unbelievable.  I am a little more nervous this time around than I was the first time- which is kind of weird seeing as I know somewhat of what to expect.  I have high expectations this round and I am feeling much better.  I had lunch today with a neighbor who I don't see very often, but her and her husband are looking into IVF.  She had a lot of questions so it was kind of neat to tell her all about our experience.. I saw her when we were going through our first round but I knew that she was having a really hard time with her own fertility issues, so I didn't tell her that we were already half way through at that time, but today I told her about everything.  Even though our story didn't have the first ending we were looking for, we are going to try one more time and see what we can do this time!  Even though I am nervous and I am extremely excited and ready to get on with this!