Big day tomorrow!

Well we are moving right along!  Tomorrow is our IVF consult.  Lacy and Paul are coming to stay with us tonight and we will all go to the appointment in the morning.  They will discuss everything in detail with us and go over our results again along with Lacy's.  She will have to be sedated tomorrow and have what is called a hysterscope done.  They will take a look at her uterus and basically clean the lining to prepare it for the transfer.  I am extremely nervous for her.  I know she is super tough, but I want everything to go as smoothly as possible for her and Paul.  They are taking time out of their life to travel down here for these appointments and Lacy is basically giving us her body for the next 9-10 months... still can't grasp all of this.  We will both have to be on hormone injections which I also am a little nervous about.  I'm nervous for myself because I hope they don't make me too mean (haha) and I am hoping with the extra hormones it won't make my blood sugars go crazy.  For Lacy, I am worried that they will be uncomfortable for her and hopefully they will not make her feel bad.  She has told me time and time again that she isn't worried about any of it and she will be fine but I can't help but wish for everything to go very easy and smoothly.  We are hoping if everything keeps going smoothly to be ready for my egg retrieval, and Thomas will give another sample(poor thing) early January and five days later the transfer will take place.. then two weeks later we will be ready for a pregnancy test.  At 6 weeks is when we will do an ultrasound to look for a heartbeat or beats!! Thomas and I could not have picked a better couple to share this amazing journey with.  They remind us so much of ourselves.  They are both funny and giving.. one is a little more easy going-like Thomas and the other is a little more high strung- like myself!  This weekend Thomas and I went to a horse sale that he has been going to as long as he can remember.. we were able to see people who are like family but we only get to see a few times a year.  Thomas actually told people on his own about our journey.  I can't even put to words how that makes me feel.  Throughout this process I have worried so much about him and how he truly feels about everything and to see him opening up to people makes me so happy.  I have always been one to open up to people, sometimes maybe too easily.  I have always felt that I have nothing to hide and I am an open book.  I know that by being that way, hopefully somewhere along the way I have helped someone with their life struggles.  I've had a few emotional breakdowns here and there over the past few weeks but Thomas and I have so much support from not only each other but our family and friends.  We received 3 checks via mail this week and again are overwhelmed.  I can't help but cry out of joy.  To know that people have taken the time to send us a letter and a gift with it is just overwhelming.  I pray that one day there will be some way for us to repay everyone... even if it is just to pray for them or help them get through a struggle no matter what it might be.  I've got to get moving on getting the house ready for our guests.  I'm trying to decorate for Christmas and make sure the house is spic n span!  I did hang up the stockings today.. one for Thomas, Dad, Callie, Gus and myself.  When I was done I couldn't help but stare and think to myself maybe next year we will be adding one.. or maybe 2!!  Just one more thing before I go.. To those of you that don't understand why Thomas and I are taking this journey, if you have a child I want you to look at them and think about if you didn't have them.  I will never expect anyone (unless you have taken this journey before) to truly understand what is is like to want something with your whole heart and not have it.  To those of you that think we are "playing God", I pray for you... I pray that tonight you sit down and have a talk with the big man.  I know Thomas and I have week after week after week and without him this door would have never opened.  I also want you to know that I don't dislike you and I'm not mad for you not supporting our decision, a quote the other day said it best.." Sometimes the people around you won't understand your journey.  They don't need to, it's not for them."  Well I better get off this thing.. hopefully tomorrow I will be posting great news!! #babybray

Our Appointment

Today was our "treament protocol" appointment.  They went over all the test results for Thomas and I.  Dr. Allon was extremely pleased with everything and feels we should not have any problems along the way.  They did order one more blood test for Thomas.  I believe it is called a CVM.. its something they look for positive or negative and its really not a concern other than the fact if he is positive Lacy  must be positive.. If Thomas is negative it doesn't matter what Lacy tests.  They went over the procedure in more detail with us.  Hopefully December 2nd, we can schedule our IVF consult and Lacy will be brought in for all of her preliminary tests.  They will discuss any hormone treatment her and I will need and we are hoping to be ready for the transfer sometime in January.  I have to admit I am a little nervous about the egg retrieval.  They will put me under but it still makes me nervous.  We will both be on hormone injections- myself to mass produce eggs so when they retrieve they are able to get a good amount and Lacy for her body to be prepared for the embryos.  Dr. Allon prefers to place two embryos leaving us with a 30% chance of twins.  Originally he said maybe 25%, but he feels my eggs and Thomas' sperm are both healthy so he uped the chance slightly.  I have to be honest I would be totally nervous if we were pregnant with twins but I also feel whatever is in God's will is how it is meant to be.  Once they retieve my eggs and Thomas gives his sperm sample, they will fertilize 5 eggs that day.  On day 5 after, they will pick two embryos to transfer.  After that we will be ready for a pregnancy test 12-14 days later!!  If we are pregnant at 6 weeks we will do an ultrasound to look for a hearbeat!  I can't not imagine how we will feel if and when we hear a heartbeat, backing up- I can't imagine how we will feel if or when the test is positive.  Due to the hormone therapy they will do a blood pregnancy test for accuracy.  I called the lawyer today to start the contract process and hopefully everything keeps going smoothly!!  I cannot even believe we are just trucking along.. so crazy to think that this time next year hopefully we will be holding our little one!!  Lacy is so awesome in case I haven't said that along the way.  I spoke with her today abotu insurance stuff and our next steps and she is so concerned with making this easy for us... I mean how selfless can she be, just amazes me.  I am so concerned with making her comfortable and trying to make traveling and so forth easy and she is more concerned with making it easy on us.  She is a God sent Angel, I tell ya!  I had lunch today with Cayce and Sam.. and of course two of the most precious boys- Brigham and Randon!  I can't wait for the day our little one will be running around with our friends kids!  Thank you to everyone for your love and support!  We are beyond blessed!!  Some have asked how can they help, well prayers is first.. we wouldn't be where we are with out them!  Second, just being a friend even if you don't understand why we're doing this.. it's okay you don't have to understand, but letting us know you support us is enough!  And third, we have setup a "Go Fund Me".. please do not feel obligated or bad for not using it.. it's by no means for everyone, but for those that want too it's there!  Well till next time!!  Gotta get busy with planning the next two months are going to be crrazzzyy!!

Our Go Fund Me-
http://www.gofundme.com/babybray

We had a great Sunday!  Today at church we had a ladies luncheon.  It was great to finally meet everyone that I had seen for months but might not have been able to put names to faces.  We have really been blessed with an awesome church family!  I learned so much today about some of the ladies and some of the struggles that they have faced not only with their faith but in life in general.  After lunch we spent some time with Thomas' parents, we are able to really talk about the journey in details and what all is entailed.  I am looking forward to our appointment on Friday.  We are ready to get going with this journey!  Some people have asked who Lacy is and what she looks like, so with her permission here she is! 

She is just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.  Lacy welcomed me with open arms into the family and I knew I would get along great with her from day one.  She is married to a great guy named Paul and together they have 4 children.  She is a Godly woman that I know through this journey I can learn so much.  From the first day I talked to her about this whole journey she was so supportive of Thomas and I.  Her and Paul both want this journey to be about us and they both feel they are helping us complete our family.  I've thought so much about what do you say to someone or do for someone that no matter what you do, you can never fully repay them for the gift they are blessing us with.  Lacy has had some battles of her own and was always strong through them, and Paul was by her side through it all.  We need more Lacy and Pauls in this world.  They are truly one of a kind!!  They have eased our minds so much with all of our worries and questions.  For all our prayer warriors, please say a prayer for this amazing couple.. because without them none of this would be possible!! Happy Sunday!!

The past week

Hopefully I am doing all of this right... Well this past week has been full of so many emotions, most of which are good.  I can't express how overwhelmed we both are with the outpour of love and support not only from friends and family but even individuals we don't really know or haven't seen in years.  I've been asked a few times, what if it doesn't work?  I have to be honest.. if all we worried about is the what ifs, we probably wouldn't be this far along.  On Friday we will sit down with Dr. Allon and discuss all of our test results.  They will go over my ultrasound, all my blood work along with Thomas' dreaded semen sample and blood work.  I got to babysit our good friends little boy and it was so great to see Thomas wanting to hold him and help with him.  We've had a hard time really getting close to little ones, especially when we found out I wouldn't be able to carry.  In the beginning I was mad, hurt and full of so much negativity.  I had to do a lot of soul searching as I call it and really turn to God to get me through all of the ways I was feeling.  I've had to learn that he has perfect timing in all that he does and it's not really our plan, it's his.  Many people have reached out to us who also are having to go through fertility.  I have to tell people, please do not feel sorry for us because there is nothing to feel sorry about.. Lacy and Paul have blessed us with an opportunity that some couples will never be able to have.  Of course, I would be lying if I said I don't wonder what it would feel like to have a baby growing in my tummy, or to have Thomas feel my belly for the first kick.. but that just wasn't in the cards for us and that's okay!  I plan to embrace every minute along this journey and not worry about what might happen or what if?  God has done so many great things for us and just the fact that we have this opportunity is amazing and if we get a child out of it, that's just the added bonus.  Please feel free to ask questions because I would rather someone talk to us, to our face than behind our back.. as most of you know I am an open book, and Thomas- well Thomas is getting there!!   Please excuse any grammar mistakes, as when I start typing fast that all usually goes out the window!

Getting started, let me catch everyone up...

So I'm new to this whole blogging thing but when this journey started I did start a journal so I added my enteries to here so I could be caught up.  I have read so many blogs about other couples journies through surrogacy and I know how much they have helped me, so maybe our story in return can help someone!  For those of you that don't know us here is a little background.  I am married to my absolute soulmate, Thomas.  We married on 5-5-12 and starting a family was always on our mind, well at least on mine.  I have been a type 1, insulin dependent diabetic since the age of 10.  We are both 28 years old and other than my diabetes, we are both healthy.  About 6 months ago we were devastated when my endocrinologist advised us it would not be in my best interest to carry a child.  In the back of our minds we knew that this was a possiblity but to actually have to come to terms with it was a whole nother ball game.  Thomas stayed strong through it all, mainly for me.  We prayed and prayed for God to show us an answer.  We began to come to terms with the fact that a child just might not be in the cards for us and though we felt we would be great parents, we also knew that we enjoyed each others company and loved being with just one another.  We didn't feel we were missing anything.  Just as we were getting back to normal, we got the news...

Sunday September 14, 2014
Today our world has changed. For weeks we have prayed for an answer regarding a child and today God has answered our prayers. The day started just as any other SUnday that we are in town. We went to church and cooked a nice dinner. Lynnann- Thomas’ mom came over for dinner along with our sister in law Ashley and niece Samantha. After dinner Lynnann asked us if we had thought anymore about the child situation, you see in July my endocrinologist gave us the dreaded news that he was totally against me trying to carry a child. Lynnann preceded to tell us that Thomas’ cousin Lacy was wanting to discuss being our gestational carrier. I was completely taken back and couldn’t believe that someone would be open to doing this for us. That night Thomas and I talked about what we should do, we had prayed and prayed for an open door and maybe this was it.

Monday September 15, 2014
After hardly sleeping all night, I spoke with Lacy on the phone. She was so excited and wanted to let us know that this is something she has wanted to do for a couple and would love to be able to do it for us. She said she feels this is a calling from God. Neither one of us even knew where to begin but I thought the first step was to make an appointment with my ob/gyn and get a checkup and find out where we go from here.

October 10, 2014
Appointment today with Dr. Sutaria, first time. Pap smear and blood work was done. I spoke with her regarding our decision for surrogacy and she gave me information for 3 different fertility offices. I decided to go with Dr. Allon, Nanny knew him from working at the hospital and said he seemed like a truly genuine doctor and thought we would really like him. The other two offices were very large with multiple doctors and I was concerned we wouldn’t get the time or attention we would need.

Friday October 31, 2014
First appointment with Dr. Allon- very soft-spoken and seemed to be kind hearted. He feels with Thomas and I both being young that we should not have any problems on our end. He went over the process with us and gave us some starting points. I had my blood work done today, we purchased expensive vitamins he wants us to take, and we will return Monday for an trans-vaginal ultrasound and Thomas’ sperm sample and blood work. He is extremely nervous about giving the sperm sample and couldn’t sleep last night! I haven’t been able to have a good nights sleep ever since this journey has begun.. almost too much to grasp!

Monday November 3, 2014
Today was our appointment for Thomas and I. He went in first for his blood work and of course had to give the tech a hard time. He then went in a small dark room to give his sample. There was a nice chair with tissue paper laid across the chair and a TV with numerous adult movies for him to watch. I opted to stay out of the room and let him attempt this on his own, poor thing! While he was doing his thing I had my ultrasound, the tech’s name was Amber and she was so sweet and upbeat. She showed me my ovaries and my uterus. She said both ovaries had 10-13 eggs in each and that was great considering I have not started any hormone therapy. We have our next appointment setup for November 21^st and at that appointment we will go over all test results and set a plan of action. We also setup dinner with Paul and Lacy this Saturday the 6^th to go over everything and make sure we have all questions answered up front. Still has not hit me that we could be having a baby this time next year! I have had a whirlwind of emotions and just can’t grasp that this is reality!

Saturday November 8, 2014
Today is the day we meet with Paul and Lacy! I am so nervous! Will I say the wrong things? Will I hurt someones feelings? Will they think I am being selfish? SO many emotions and uncertainty going into this. I have made a list of questions and also have printed some paperwork from the lawyer with questions they want answered for the contract. We had lunch with Brady. Robin and Brax before we headed out to San Antonio. At lunch they gave us a letter which contained an extremely generous gift. They have been with us the whole way and we are so excited that they are apart of this journey and are watching it unfold.
So we just got home from dinner! I could not have asked for a better outcome. Paul and Lacy are just beyond amazing! First thing they wanted us to be sure of was that they are 100% on board to do this and want nothing in return financially. They made the conversation so easy and made us feel so comfortable. We had to discuss some uncomfortable questions especially because some of them were regarding termination of pregnancy. We all agree that we will go forward with the pregnancy even if there are problems with the baby, but would have to look at things if anything was putting Lacy’s life in jeopardy. We talked about making our story public and putting it out there if people could relate. We all want people to know what a blessing this is and of course it is not the ideal situation. Idealy I would love to carry our baby myself but God has other plans. We have truly put our faith in him and know that he will guide us through this all.

Sunday November 9, 2014
Today we made it known to everyone what our plans are and we also setup “Go FUnd Me” site for any friends or family wanting to help. It is not easy coming to terms with the fact of expenses of the fertility treatment. We are so blessed to have such supportive friends and family. Thomas and I went back and forth regarding whether we should post the website or not. Would people think we are asking for handouts? Would people think we don’t work hard? What would people in general say? The fact is, no one knows what all we’ve been through and how hard we have worked just to get as far as we have. We have friends and family that want nothing more than to help us and we feel this gives them a way. We don’t expect anything from anyone, but anyone that would like to is able to help. Today has been such an emotional day. I have cried so many tears of joy. I find myself constantly questioning how did we get so blessed and how do we deserve all of this support?? I’m going to try to sleep tonight, however I’m pretty sure it won’t happen.

Monday November 10, 2014
Today again is filled with emotions!! I shared with my team at work where we are with the process and how everything has been going and they too are extremely excited for us and supportive. We are overwhelmed with the prayers and gifts that have been given. I have had numerous calls, texts and messages on facebook from people that are reaching out, and it makes me feel beyond blessed!!