Hang on!

Well it's been a while since my last entry and so much has happened.  The last time I posted we were about 5 days out after transfer.  During the two week wait, I prayed like crazy and felt really good about the whole thing.  Wednesday(28th) was when Aurora called us to give us the results.  I took the day off so that I could be with Thomas when they called and good thing I did.  We were in the round pin working horses and the phone rang and our hearts stopped.  I missed the phone call so I had to call her back, when she answered the phone I could tell by the tone of her voice that it was negative.  She answered and I said Aurora its Liz, she said Hi Liz.. I told her I can tell by your voice it's not good news and she said I am so sorry, it was negative.  I think I was so in shock I didn't know what to say.. I said well that's unfortunatly part of it.  When I hung up the phone, I lost it and Thomas was in tears.  My first reaction was to be angry and I was.  I didn't understand.. everything went so well and they were confident in the two we transferred, what could have went wrong??  After all the time and money we spent and Lacy, how was I going to tell her??  I wanted to be the one to tell her so I called and she was in shock just like us.  I know she was strong for me on the phone, she assured Thomas and I both that this is not over and whatever we are willing to do her and Paul will be there.  Then it was time to call family and friends to let them know.  We called our parents first.. my mom was crushed and my dad was speechless.  Thomas' parents were all the same way, but everyone was supportive no matter what we decided to do from here.  I sent out texts to our friends because it was easier than trying to talk on the phone.  I tried to put a tough face on but it was really hard but I reminded myself that we have come to far in our faith to doubt it now!  There is a reason why this cycle didn't work and we have to know that God knows what is best for us.  Part of me says we tried, and lets just move on, while the other side says just give it one more try!  From the beginning Thomas and I said that we would try one time and if it didn't work it just wasn't meant to be.  I can't help but feel God didn't open these doors to leave us and we need to try one more time.  I took Thursday off from work also.. All of my girls at work have been so supportive through out this and I just couldn't face anyone to tell them what had happened.  I called one of my close friends at the office and told her to go ahead and tell everyone so that I wouldn't have to when I come back on Monday.  Yesterday we met with Dr. Allon to discuss all of the results and what could have went wrong.  I think was was most frustrating was that he couldn't give us and exact answer for why it didn't work either.. he was at a loss for words.  He is adament that we try again.  He said he would like to tweak just a few things but he feels this was possibly a bad cycle and that we would be successful this next time.  He also told us how well I responded to everything, and if another doctor looked at the stimulation of my ovaries they would be lost also.  He said this is not common factor but it can happen, that women do really well with everything and for some reason the embryos do not develop like they should.  He did tell me that the two we transferred were of good quality and should have implanted.  He would like for me to do a 28 day cleanse and the next cycle he will stop the dexamethzone which effected my sugar.  During the cleanse I will have to drink a shake and change my eating habits- no gluten, caffeine(ahhhh), no alcohol(no biggie, I don't drink anyways), no red meat and so on.  He also ordered a chromosome test on Thomas and I just to see if that could have possibly had something to do with it.  We will take this all one day at a time, and regroup.  Paul and Lacy are just amazing.  Not only have they opened their hearts and minds to all of this they are willing to try again until we are successful... Please keep them in your prayers also, this journey is not easy on anyone, and they are our strength!  The next two months will be busy so hopefully that will help pass the time.. Thomas is showing at the cutting in San Antonio and then the following week we have the ranch gelding competition.. then March we have Houston.  Thank you to all of our followers and support system.. You guys keep us going.  Thomas and I went dancing for a little while last night.. it was so great to get back to doing what we love!  We saw so many of our friends and were overwhelmed with their love and support.  I had one friend tell me you all have so many people praying and pulling for y'all- people you don't even know.  That has just stuck with me today.  As  I have said from day one, we want no sympathy simply because there is nothing to be sorry about!  We have been given a once in a lifetime experience!  This journey is not easy but it is worth it and we are blessed to have such an amazing couple to share this with hand in hand.  It's not easy being completely vulnerable either and putting our story out there, however just knowing the people we have helped along the way makes it all worth it!  Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who have been there with us through this.  Hang on, we've had an unexpected detour but we're going to stay on this road that God put before us... might get a little rocky but HE is in control!!  Let's do this! #babybray

Catching up and counting down!

Well here we are day 5 after transfer!  I guess I need to catch everyone up on the past couple of days and what they've been like.  So after the transfer and the initial shock of the results I made the decision that I would not let this discourage me or damage my faith!  I have to stay positive otherwise I would be a miserable wreck and I refuse to put myself or anyone around me through that.  On Thursday after the transfer I was a nervous wreck.. Lacy and Paul went home Wednesday after the transfer and it's honestly a good thing they don't live too close because I would probably drive her crazy!  I went to work on Thursday and tried to keep myself busy because I knew how long the next two weeks would be.  I thought I would have received a call to update me on #3 but they didn't.  Thomas had to leave to go to a horse sale in Oklahoma, but I stayed behind incase Lacy needed something.. I knew being 3 hours away would be better than 10 plus.  On Friday I went in the office to do a few things, which I rarely do but again trying to keep busy and keep my mind from rambling.  I went to McAlister's by myself for lunch.. I thought about calling someone but heck I'm not ashamed to sit and eat by myself!  After I ordered my usual- salad and soup with a LARGE diet DP- thank you very much.. I went to sit down and the phone rang- Dr. Allon's office.  It was Aurora and she seemed so much nicer than usual so I had a feeling she wasn't calling with good news.  She called to check in and to inform me that #3 didn't develop any further... I didn't even shed a tear, what was wrong with me?  Was I numb to it all or was I confident that it just wasn't in God's plan, and I truly am okay with it.  I think it was a little of both.  I've had to learn to seperate my feelings from some of this because of the harsh reality of it all.  Just before I could hang up the phone a young girl(I mean young, like still in braces) and her mom sat down beside me.. and if you've ever been to the McAlister's in Rosenberg the 2 person tables are right next to each other.  On the table she sat down her phone and 4 ultrasound photos.  Once I hung up the phone I started listening to her talk to her mom about how excited she was to be having a little girl.  I couldn't help but listen to her talk and I was so overcome with peace.. I can't even describe what I felt really but I knew I had to say something to her, after all I had only been creeping in and listeing to their conversation for 30 minutes- haha!  While all of this is going on I went ahead and called Thomas, my mom, the inlaws and messaged a few people to let them know about #3.  At the same time I received a text from my mother in law to tell me that Allison(Thomas' sister) was having a girl.  I worried in the beginning of all of this that I might have anger towards people that were experiencing something that we might not, but this wasn't the case at all!  All along I thought she was having a boy, so now I feel maybe Thomas and I will be having the boy!  Who knows really, only God, and I'm okay with that... I have to be, what is done is done.  After I finished eating I knew that I had to say something to this young girl and I did.  I stood up and said I'm really sorry and I hope I don't freak you out by telling you this but long story short my husband and I are going through some fertility issues right now and I fully beleive God sat you next to me for a reason.  You have given me light and hope during a phone call that I thought I would be crushed by and I wanted to tell you thank you.  She was extremely sweet and said well I'm going through a rough time also, the baby's father left me right after I found out.  I told her I would keep her in my prayers and that she would be just fine without him.  I left there that day and couldn't help but put pieces of this crazy puzzle together.  God has been with us throughout this journey from day one and has opened each of these doors... things that have happened only he could do.  Some people say, I can't believe how far you've come in your faith.. well to be honest I have a long way to go.  I do know this when you feel you have nothing left, faith will always be there and you have to believe.  I decided that since Thomas was out of town I was going to spend the weekend keeping busy.  I had my nails done, which I haven't in forever... I met a friend and her mom for dinner, went to the mall with two of my childhood friends who will always be there- didn't buy a thing except for two books that I haven't been able to put down!  It was nice to get out and see friends and just relax!  It was great but boy was I ready for my love to be home.  At church on Sunday I spoke with a girl who I always was little shy around only because it seemed as if she didn't open up as much as I do.. which I sometimes read into that the wrong way.... anyways her and her husband have been through a mountain of emotions themselves.  She lost a baby boy last February.  I remember seeing her at church one Sunday and she was pregnant  and looked about due and the next time I saw them no belly and no baby.  I will never forget crying on this Sunday in worship because I was so angry that people took pregnancy for granted because I knew there would be a chance I wouldn't experience that and I saw her crying and walk out to get air... My heart sank, the reality of it was that could very well be Thomas and I one day.. or anyone really.  Her and I talked for a good while yesterday and even though our journeys are different I feel so conected to her.  She doesn't give herself enough credit for how strong she is and we talked about that.  Anyways pray for peace and guidance for her and her husband, they are amazingly strong and a picture of God's work!  Our next step is to wait until the 28th for the blood pregnancy test.. I know of people who have taken the at home and from what I gather it will not give you  a false positive but it could give you a false negative.  Geez, what to do??  Our friends did one on day 6, well guess what tomorrow is day 6!  AHHH!  Who knows what we will do, the struggle is real I tell ya! hah!  In case you all didn't know I am absolutely counting down and today is 9 days left!  Again I just want to thank each and everyone of you for your support and prayers, it is absolutely overwhelming.  Everyone you meet is fighting a battle and ours is by no mean easy but it could always be so much more difficult.  We have learned to take everything in stride and though sometimes things might seem as a curse are really a blessing in disguise to bring you right where you need to be in life.  Please continue to pray for our little babies 1 and 2 (so I call them).. we pray they develop into strong healthy babies that in about 38 weeks we will be holding in our arms, God willing.  Thank you for follwing our journey and being apart of this crazy thing we call life!

Transfer day, talk about shock!

Wow, so much has happened the past few days!  The day after egg retrieval I ended up in the ER because I couldn't keep anything down.  My ovaries were showing signs of being hyper stimulated so they started me on another pill to help with fluid build up.  Funny of the night in the ER.  The ER doctor comes in to tell us that my pregnancy test is coming back positive, I said that is completely impossible.. it has to be because of all of the hormones I'm on.  He said let me run it again, and of course comes back saying it is still positive.  HAHA- only time that will ever happen!  He called Dr. Allon and they ran a count and the count was in normal range with the hormones I was on, so bam- I'm not pregnant.  I was able to go home that night and thankfully rested Monday and was able to keep everything down.   They called me yesterday at work and about gave me a heart attack.  They stated that the embryos were not progressing as Dr. Allon and the embryologist would like and in order to give them the best chance they would like to transfer on Wednesday.  Talk about a compelete shock!  On Saturday, they were so positive and excited that they were able to retrieve 22 eggs!  Even on Sunday.. they had fertilized 17 and 12 had survived.  Well Monday that all changed and they waited until Tuesday to see what the remainder looked like.  They didn't tell me on the phone how many were remaining or really much of anything.  I'm guessing the coordinator didn't want to say too much and be bound to her words.  After that phone call I lost it.. I didn't understand what all of this meant.  She told me not to worry, but of course I'm going to worry.  You've told me they look "okay" and "good" but not "great".. I couldn't grasp that two days before everything was looking so good and now this??  Lacy and Paul have been so great, and from day one whatever they needed to do, or whenever they needed to come down they're here.  This morning they drove in and we met them so we could all ride together.  Up until today we have not had to wait at Dr. Allon's but maybe 10 minutes.  Well today we waited two hours before being brought back.. talk about anxiety growing during that time!  We opted to do acupucture for Lacy to help with blood flow to her uterus.  When they brought us back that was first the doctor came in to start her acupucture which takes about 45 minutes.  They place the small needles in a few places- her feet, wrists, stomach and one in her head.  After they had all them placed they placed a heat lamp on her abdomen to help with the flow also.  She took her valium and we waited.  AFter acupucture was done Dr. Allon came in to give us the news on our embryos.. Talk about SHOCK!!  We started with 22 eggs, 17 were of size and maturity to fertilize.  After fertilization 12 survived.  We were so excited at that point, well in shock himself Dr. Allon told us that for some reason most of the embryos did not progress any further.  Only 3 had, one looked on schedule, one was a little behind and the third was about a day behind.  Of course Lacy said lets put all 3 in and see what happens.  We opted just to do the two stronger ones which in a normal case is what Dr. Allon would do.  I was in such shock I couldn't speak.  THis meant we have this one chance to get it right, but as I sit here and want to feel sorry for myself I think about that ladies who have no eggs, or the couples who have 0 embryos that make it to transfer date.  We now need prayers for strength for our embryos and now that they are in their home that they are able to thrive and grow!  I was able to go in with Lacy for the transfer and what an amazing experience!  They used an abdominal ultrasound to locate Lacy's uterus and they also had a camera in the lab with the embryos so I was able to see our babies on a screen and watch them be transfered to Lacy.  It was absolutely life changing watching that. My sister told me- sissy those babies want some where warm so they can get comfortable and grow, they're tired of being in a dish!  I have to remind myself that!  We will know on January 28th where we are.  Lacy will take a blood pregnancy test and then two weeks after we will do an ultrasound.. No matter what we have to keep our faith and the past two days have been very trying.  I laid in bed last nigth reading scriptures just to try to keep my head up and it helped so much.  I felt great and confident this morning, and now just feel a little defeated after Dr. Allon's report.  I hurt so much for Thomas and I have from the beginning.. He tells me daily that he married me for me and he did not marry me to have a child, that him and I are family and that's enough for him.  Saturday he really showed emotion and was so excited, he even text Lacy, "I'm going to be a daddy".  I hurt so bad for him that he might be missing out on something because of me.  He has been so strong and continues to be strong.  Thank you to all of our prayer warriors, I know without each of you and God that we wouldn't be where we are.  Please pray for Lacy and Paul in the weeks to come, for our two little peanuts in Lacy and for Thomas, even though he says he doesn't need it.  Let the countdown begin!!  Here are a few photos from today..

Day of transfer goodies for my oven! :)

She's got a heart as big as Texas

Never looses that beautiful smile!

 

Start of acupucture, I told her see your oven is hot!!

Life changing!

 

People say the biggest blessing is a child, I think the biggest blessing in life is to do something for someone when there is no possible way they would ever be able to repay you.  No matter what the outcome is our hearts will forever be joined, afterall you have part of us in you.. :)

Egg retrieval and the day after

On Thursday evening I took the lupron injections and the trigger shot.  On Friday I took my last two injections of Lupron and  we had our ultrasound appointment with Lacy.  I was extremely nervous about this appointment.  At her last ultraosund in San Antonio they noted that there was some fluid on her uterus.  This was not a deal breaker by any means but if the fluid was tstill there not only would they have to drain it, they would have to push the transfer date out.  This means they would have to freeze the embryos until her uterus was ready.  Thank the good Lord there was no fluid on her uterus and it looked great!!  Only God could have had his hand in this!  After the ultrasound Lacy, Paul and I went to lunch for her birthday.  For those of you that don't know them, they are such great people.  I'm not saying that only because they are giving us the greatest gift of all, but in general.  They have such big hearts and are so down to earth and open about life and it's struggles!  Friday afternoon my mom and Ray came in to town since she was going to the appointment with us.  Of course she took the kitchen over and cooked enough meals for an army!  My oldest brother John came over for a little while to hang out as well.  I went to bed early thinking if I laid there long enough I would be able to sleep.. well that didn't really work out.  I think once I finally fell asleep the alarm was going off.  We left the house just before 6 to head in for my 645 appointment.  The anesthesiologist met with us first to dicuss everything.  I've had problems in the past with nausea after sedations so he made sure to address all of our concerns.  Dr. Allon came in to talk to us and he seemed so positive that everything had went so well.  Before you knew it the IV was in my arm and they were getting ready to walk me in.  Of course I was a nervous wreck!  It's a small OR room.  I walked in and laid on the bed.  They administered some meds to help me relax because I was shaking a crying.  I had to place my legs in the high stirups and they strapped them in them... really comfortable- said no one ever!!  The next thing I remember I was in recovery and could barely keep my eyes open!  They were able to retrieve 22 eggs and they will look at all of them and which ever ones are mature and healthy will be injected with Thomas' sperm and they will monitor them over the next couple of days.  With the amount they retrieved they anticipate transfer to be on Thursday.  I am so thankful that we were able to use my eggs and Thomas' sperm making the emrbyos 100% ours.  There are so many men and women wtih major fertility issues and they are not always able to use their eggs or sperm, so we are beyond blessed.  After the procedure I came home and slept most of the day.  The pain wasn't too bad just very uncomfortable.  I would do every part of this over again, do not get me wrong but I am happy that we are at the point we're at!  I tried not to take any pain meds just otc tylenol.  Here are some pictures from Friday--

Fingers crossed for #babybray

My biggest supporter and my baby daddy!!

good drugs! photo courtesy of my baby daddy!

My mom and I after surgery!

Saturday morning.. Woo wee, they weren't lying when they said today might be worse!  I had to take a pain pill this morning, and I knew I should have had more to eat for breakfast with the coedine!  About 30 minutes after I took the pill I started throwing up.  I don't mean to be TMI, but I also have had to take medicine to help me go to the bathroom ( 1 and 2, haha).  I think my body is saying it's had enough shots and pills for while.  Luckily I had some phenegran from a previous illness and I was able to take that to help with nausea.  My mom and Ray left this morning.  She was so exctied to be at the appointment with us yesterday.  Not only had Thomas and I became used to the fact of a baby not being in our cards but so did our family so now that we are this far along is beyond amazing.  While typing this Amber from Dr. Allon's office called to give us the report.  They retrieved 22 eggs and were able to feritlize 17 of them, out of those 17, 12 have survived and they will monitor them for the next couple of days.  She said they looked strong and very promising so we are still on for Thursday as the transfer date!  I can't wait to see how many make it to the final stage.  We will have some decisions to make.  We will keep them frozen for 1 year and go from there!  I just can't believe how far along we are in this process!! The swelling will not go down for about 2 weeks, and I have to be honest I will be kind of sad when it does.  It's the closest thing I'll ever have to a baby bump and then it will be gone.  Baby bump or not I can't wait to hold that baby in my arms.. everything that we've been through will just be a memory!  Thomas told me yesterday after I came out of surgery.. Babe, it's finally hitting me.. I'm going to be a daddy.  Talk about water works!  OUr child and I are so blessed to have him.  He is going to be the best daddy!!  Well I'm going to take a nap and see if I can get myself motivated to clean up and maybe fix my hair! Till next time.. #babybray

 



Trigger shot, 36 hours until retrieval!

Well this morning I went in for my final ultrasound and blood work prior to egg retrieval.  Aurora was so happy with what the ultrasound showed.  Yesterday I had a couple follicles measuring 20-21 and quite a few 19's, some 18's.  They have all appeared to progress just as they wanted them too.  The 19's have moved to 20+ and I only had a couple under 20.  Heidi went with me to my appoitment today.  We went over with Aurora the trigger injection and the lupron injections that I would be starting tonight.  I planned to go into work after my appoinment but that was nearly impossible.  I barely slept last night because there is no comfortable position.  Sleeping on my back is out of the question and laying on my side feels like I am squishing my abdomen.  Luckily my office is 100% understanding and I was able to come home and rest.  It would be helpful if I could take some advil or something but I refuse to take anything other than what they've asked of me.  I want these follicles to have eggs and for them to be as healthy as possible.  Lacy and Paul will drive in to town in the morning and I will meet them at the doctors offce for her ultrasound.  We are praying everything looks clean and no fluid build up.  We know that whatever happens is in God's plan and we know he will take care of us.  Heidi and David came over to visit this evening and Heidi was able to give me the trigger shot.  I have to be honest the shots have been really easy.. yes it stings a little and as I have gotten more bloated they are a little uncomfortable but I would do every part of this as much as needed to get that baby in my arms.  Tonight I had to take two injections in my stomach of Lupron and one in the hip (with a ginormous needle).. The first two were easy, just a little uncomfortable because my stomach is about like a pin cushion at this point.  The one in the hip I placed some ice on my hip for a few minutes before Heidi did it.. stung a little but overall not too bad.  I had to take both of them at 7 tonight and I will take the Lupron again at 7am.  Timing is absolutely important with these injections and the egg retrieval.  We are hoping each follicle has an egg inside.  Right now the eggs are attached to the lining of the follicle.. these injections will cause the egg to release from the lining allowing the egg to flow freely inside the follicle, this will allow them to use a needle to asparate the follicles and retrieve the eggs.  My mom will drive down tomorrow and go with us to the appointment on Saturday morning.  I am hoping to be back to normal a few days after and hopefully back to work Monday.  If everything goes good with Lacy's ultrasound tomorrow the transfer will be any day between the 13-15 but we anticipate it to be on the 15th.  Extra prayers would be greatly appreciated.. especially for Lacy!!  Tomorrow is her birthday! 

Different views of the follicles..

The size of the follicles and the number explains why I look like I'm pregnant!

I've kind of gotten used to this pooch, I might miss it when it's gone!

All measuring big and plentiful!!

Lupron injection and Novarl/HCG trigger shot

Ultrasound and Blood Work

Well this morning I went in for blood work to check my progesterone levels.  I checked in and specifically asked if I needed an ultrasound also, of course they said no just blood work.  I headed in to work after the blood work and wouldn't you know that I get a phone call around 1045 stating I missed my ultrasound appointment... talk about a break down!  I was so frustrated, so I had to go all the way back to the office, of course they felt really bad and were extremely apologetic but it was so frustrating!  Sandy did my ultrasound again today and we are crusing right along!  Follicles are measuring `7-21 and most of the 17 from yesterday were 19 today, which is great.  Each ovary has about 10 follicles a piece which is a great number.  A little news that has me a little concerned is Lacy's last ultrasound showed some fluid on her uterus.  She will come in Friday for an ultrasound at Dr. Allon's office... if there is still fluid they will have to possibly drain and keep a close eye.  If it continues we will have to freeze the embryos and wait until her uterus is perfect for transfer.  Please pray this is not the case for all of us.  I want everything to be a smooth as possible for Lacy and for us.  They said my progesterone has leveled out, it is elevated which just means my body is wanting to ovulate.  My estrogen is nearly 7000, which could explain me wanting to cry at everything... Suprisingly it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be.  The injections have been fairly easy until last night and tonight.  I am so huge and uncomfortable.. hence why I would not be a good oven!  Hah!  I will say that if all it took was me saying make me big and uncomfortable to be able to carry I would in a heart beat!  The injections hurt for the first time last night and again tonight.  Tomorrow I will take the trigger shot and a lupron shot.  These shots will cause the follicles to let the eggs flow freely inside so they are able to retrieve them.  Saturday is still the date!   I told Thomas tonight that I didn't think I could do the shots in my hip and I wanted him to do it for me.. He said babe I will do anything for you but I cannot do that knowing it is going to hurt.  Well thank goodness my BFF is a nurse, Heidi Ann.. after 18 years and her poking my finger and giving me shots she said she would be happy to do it for me.  She is also going to go with me to my ultrasound appointment with me in the morning.  I love Thomas going with me, however I have to remind him the ultrasound probe is not a microphone, and the probe covers are not condoms!  HAHAH!  He keeps me laughing through it all and no matter what he stays positive!  He is my absolute sanity, even though sometimes he is the one driving me insane!!    Sandy told me I would probably be really sore after retrieval with the amount of follicles they will have to do multiple punctures to retrieve them all.  I have to say everything has been so smooth, I am anticipating something to happen.  I am really trying not too get negative, I have to know that this has been in God's hands since day one.. before we even started this journey.  What is in his plans will be.  Hopefully I am able to get comfortable tonight and sleep.. last night was no fun!  So many people have asked for photos of my football tummy so here it goes!!

My uterus.. which looks great but won't be needing

These are two of the biggest ones, one measured 21 and one 22.. She said they actually might be bigger but because I don't have much room my ovaries are butted up next to each other.. squishing the follicles making them look longer and skinny.

Closest thing I will have to a baby bump!

Last night for these three!!

4 more days!!!

Ultrasound #3, Blood work #2938402938... haha!
I had my appointment this morning for blood work and ultrasound!  It's national nurses day so I brought in kolaches and donuts for the team at Dr. Allon's! They are so good to us!  You have to take care of the people who take care of you!  Sandy did my ultrasound this morning, she is our other coordinator.  She was hoping for my follicles to measure between 15-17 and mine were at 17-20!  They will not move any dates so we are still set for Saturday as my egg retrieval!   I met a lady in the reception area this morning.  Her and her husband have been there most times when I am also, so I started to make small talk!  I know me talking, hard to believe... Bahahhahaah kidding!  She is on her 7th transfer, 3 miscarriages and the others didn't take at all.  The harsh reality is it could absolutely happen to us.. But I refuse to let fear over come my faith and how far we've come!  I told her a little about our process and where we were.  She has a family member who is willing to be a surrogate for them, I tried to answer as many questions as I could and tried to ease her mind.  Untold her never expect someone to understand you're journey unless they have traveled it.  She has a very strong support system and I told her that is number two, number one has to be God.  He has a plan for each of us and all we have to do is follow.  She will be back in Thursday for bloodwork and I will be in for bloodwork in ultrasound, I plan to give her my number because I want her to know she's not alone!  The hardest part of this process is when you feel alone.  To the prayer warriors keep her and her family in your prayers... I hope to see her on Thursday with good news!

Well my first entry was before I got a phone call from Dr. Allon's office.  Sandy said my progesterone is a little on the high side and they would like to see me again in the morning for repeat blood work, in case they need to adjust any of my injections!  I am starting to get very antsy and nervous about Saturday!  Can't believe everything has moved so fast!  Just got done taking my injections and I'm guessing because I am so swollen and my ovaries are large is why my injections hurt so bad tonight.  I have been very blessed that the injections themselves haven't been too bad, but tonight I am extremely sore after them!  No pain, no gain!! Bring on baby bray!!

They're growing!!  Saturday is the day!!

Great News!!

Well this morning was my ultrasound/bloodwork appointment.  Thomas was able to go with me to this one since they were doing an ultrasound.  I told him I have good news and bad news.. bad news is we will not be seeing a baby on this ultrasound, good news is we will be seeing what makes one!! :)  I have to try to see the bright side of things or I would probably be an emotional wreck.  Lacy goes in this week for an ultrasound also just to check things out prior to transfer which is scheduled for the Thursday, the 15th.  This morning Aurora who is our IVF coordinator completed the ultrasound.  She was able to explain everything to us and show us what was what and how everything was looking.  The shots are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing, which is great.  Although I feel like I look like I'm pregnant- I am not.. but those ovaries are swelling up!  My right ovary has about 10 follices of good size and a few that are smaller... The left has the same thing.  They will try for the good follicles and leave the smaller, weak ones.  At this stage and given the medicine I've been on they would like to see the follicles measuring 10-12 mm and mine were 13-15mm.. which is awesome!  I will start cetrotide tonight along with still taking the other two injections (menopur and gonal-f).  They will keep me on those 2 to keep the maturing processing going.. at retrieval date they would like the follicles to be measuring 20-22mm-- so I will really feel bloated then!!  The cetrotide that I will start tonight will keep me from ovulating.  They want to keep all the follicles possible so this new injection will prevent ovualtion- or loosing any.  Thomas said I don't look that big(key word THAT).. haha He said it looks like I really have to go pee.. which oddly I have to constantly... I'm guessing because my ovaries are pushing on my bladder?  It is definitely starting to feel real now.  My mom is going to come into town next weekend and go with us to the retrieval appointment.  I have to admit I am starting to get a little nervous.  I dread being put under because of all the complications I have had with anesthesia in the past, but I have to keep my eye on the prize and every bit of this is worth it!  I have a feeling this week is going to fly by and before you know it they're going to be sucking these follicles(that hopefully all have healthy eggs in them) out and inejcting them with Thomas' sperm and bam- it's baby time!  Thomas had a great time at the appointment today!  Of course he has to look at everything and investigate what goes where and how they do everything... I love how inquisitive he is about everything, most of the time he makes me laugh!  We were at a cutting this weekend so today I tried to catch up on duties around the house.  They told me as the week goes on the less I am going to want to do because of the swelling of the ovaries.  We were at church this morning and our worship leader- who doesn't know our story, said a few things that just really hit home and it felt like he was speaking directly to us.  It is so amazing how God works through people... like he is working through Thomas and I through this whole process.  I can't tell you the number of people who have messaged us, who are not necessarily going through fertility issues but just life in general and following our story has given them a ray of light.  I hope that throughout this process, no matter what the end result is that people learn to lean on their faith... without it we wouldn't be where we are.  It's very much easier said than done but when you feel you have nothing left there is one person who's love is never failing, never ending and will never run out on you.. and that's God.  Okay, enough with the preaching!  I've got to get back to cooking dinner.. tonights schmor-gis-board, cabbage, black eyed peas (new year food) and homeade broccoli cheese soup!!  #babybray

The black blobs are some of the follicles!

My buckles tilting! 😉

Well today will be day 4 of injections out of 10!  I went in this morning to have  my hormones checked to see if we need to adjust the amount of hormones I am taking.  They decreased my Gonal-f to 75mg from 150 and will keep the menopur at 75mg.  My next appointment is Sunday morning, Thomas is going to go with me so he can see the ultrasound.  Unfortunately the ultrasound won't be of an embryo in my belly but it is the start of one, so we'll take it!  We are in Gonzales this weekend for a cutting and yesterday was my first day back in the show pen!  Felt great to get back at it but I sure am paying for it today!  I feel like a pumpkin about to explode!  Thank goodness it's cold and I'm bundled up so you can't really tell!  I am extremely thankful that the injections don't seem to be effecting my blood sugars, the steroids have done that enough!  Thomas started his antibiotics this morning. They do that to clear his body of any possible infections so Saturday when he gives his sample everything will be perfect!  I can't believe we're only a week out for the egg retrieval/semen sample!! This process is absolutely mind boggling!  I mean our eggs and sperm will be in a Petri dish for 3-5 days and then they will be in Lacy to grow!!  So crazy! I have to be honest if this is what I would feel like pregnant, God knew I wouldn't make it so maybe that's the reason for this path!  It kind of feels like I have two oranges in my belly just floating around!  I haven't been mean because some people have asked but I have been a little extra sensitive.. I've already cried twice today! 😭😭    I keep telling myself not to be so positive about all of this, to see the awful reality that it might not work... But I think that's the devil trying to work on me.  Our faith is what has brought us this far and I know he will bring us through this!  I started a challenge a few weeks ago to listen to either KSBJ or the message on xm while in the car.. If I can't get either station I don't listen to anything.  Everyone should try this, give it a month if it doesn't change your life or your outlook I will pay you-- I mean not a lot but something because I know it will!! Sometimes they give a verse or a quote and I know they are talking to me, specifically!   Well I've got to go get a horse ready.. Hopefully these oranges in my belly behave!  🍊🍊  When I say my buckles tilting.. For those who don't know, when you're belly starts to get bigger and it pushes on your belt buckle causing it to tilt--- I might have this going on hahaha!!