Well here we are day 5 after transfer! I guess I need to catch everyone up on the past couple of days and what they've been like. So after the transfer and the initial shock of the results I made the decision that I would not let this discourage me or damage my faith! I have to stay positive otherwise I would be a miserable wreck and I refuse to put myself or anyone around me through that. On Thursday after the transfer I was a nervous wreck.. Lacy and Paul went home Wednesday after the transfer and it's honestly a good thing they don't live too close because I would probably drive her crazy! I went to work on Thursday and tried to keep myself busy because I knew how long the next two weeks would be. I thought I would have received a call to update me on #3 but they didn't. Thomas had to leave to go to a horse sale in Oklahoma, but I stayed behind incase Lacy needed something.. I knew being 3 hours away would be better than 10 plus. On Friday I went in the office to do a few things, which I rarely do but again trying to keep busy and keep my mind from rambling. I went to McAlister's by myself for lunch.. I thought about calling someone but heck I'm not ashamed to sit and eat by myself! After I ordered my usual- salad and soup with a LARGE diet DP- thank you very much.. I went to sit down and the phone rang- Dr. Allon's office. It was Aurora and she seemed so much nicer than usual so I had a feeling she wasn't calling with good news. She called to check in and to inform me that #3 didn't develop any further... I didn't even shed a tear, what was wrong with me? Was I numb to it all or was I confident that it just wasn't in God's plan, and I truly am okay with it. I think it was a little of both. I've had to learn to seperate my feelings from some of this because of the harsh reality of it all. Just before I could hang up the phone a young girl(I mean young, like still in braces) and her mom sat down beside me.. and if you've ever been to the McAlister's in Rosenberg the 2 person tables are right next to each other. On the table she sat down her phone and 4 ultrasound photos. Once I hung up the phone I started listening to her talk to her mom about how excited she was to be having a little girl. I couldn't help but listen to her talk and I was so overcome with peace.. I can't even describe what I felt really but I knew I had to say something to her, after all I had only been creeping in and listeing to their conversation for 30 minutes- haha! While all of this is going on I went ahead and called Thomas, my mom, the inlaws and messaged a few people to let them know about #3. At the same time I received a text from my mother in law to tell me that Allison(Thomas' sister) was having a girl. I worried in the beginning of all of this that I might have anger towards people that were experiencing something that we might not, but this wasn't the case at all! All along I thought she was having a boy, so now I feel maybe Thomas and I will be having the boy! Who knows really, only God, and I'm okay with that... I have to be, what is done is done. After I finished eating I knew that I had to say something to this young girl and I did. I stood up and said I'm really sorry and I hope I don't freak you out by telling you this but long story short my husband and I are going through some fertility issues right now and I fully beleive God sat you next to me for a reason. You have given me light and hope during a phone call that I thought I would be crushed by and I wanted to tell you thank you. She was extremely sweet and said well I'm going through a rough time also, the baby's father left me right after I found out. I told her I would keep her in my prayers and that she would be just fine without him. I left there that day and couldn't help but put pieces of this crazy puzzle together. God has been with us throughout this journey from day one and has opened each of these doors... things that have happened only he could do. Some people say, I can't believe how far you've come in your faith.. well to be honest I have a long way to go. I do know this when you feel you have nothing left, faith will always be there and you have to believe. I decided that since Thomas was out of town I was going to spend the weekend keeping busy. I had my nails done, which I haven't in forever... I met a friend and her mom for dinner, went to the mall with two of my childhood friends who will always be there- didn't buy a thing except for two books that I haven't been able to put down! It was nice to get out and see friends and just relax! It was great but boy was I ready for my love to be home. At church on Sunday I spoke with a girl who I always was little shy around only because it seemed as if she didn't open up as much as I do.. which I sometimes read into that the wrong way.... anyways her and her husband have been through a mountain of emotions themselves. She lost a baby boy last February. I remember seeing her at church one Sunday and she was pregnant and looked about due and the next time I saw them no belly and no baby. I will never forget crying on this Sunday in worship because I was so angry that people took pregnancy for granted because I knew there would be a chance I wouldn't experience that and I saw her crying and walk out to get air... My heart sank, the reality of it was that could very well be Thomas and I one day.. or anyone really. Her and I talked for a good while yesterday and even though our journeys are different I feel so conected to her. She doesn't give herself enough credit for how strong she is and we talked about that. Anyways pray for peace and guidance for her and her husband, they are amazingly strong and a picture of God's work! Our next step is to wait until the 28th for the blood pregnancy test.. I know of people who have taken the at home and from what I gather it will not give you a false positive but it could give you a false negative. Geez, what to do?? Our friends did one on day 6, well guess what tomorrow is day 6! AHHH! Who knows what we will do, the struggle is real I tell ya! hah! In case you all didn't know I am absolutely counting down and today is 9 days left! Again I just want to thank each and everyone of you for your support and prayers, it is absolutely overwhelming. Everyone you meet is fighting a battle and ours is by no mean easy but it could always be so much more difficult. We have learned to take everything in stride and though sometimes things might seem as a curse are really a blessing in disguise to bring you right where you need to be in life. Please continue to pray for our little babies 1 and 2 (so I call them).. we pray they develop into strong healthy babies that in about 38 weeks we will be holding in our arms, God willing. Thank you for follwing our journey and being apart of this crazy thing we call life!
No comments:
Post a Comment