Hang on!

Well it's been a while since my last entry and so much has happened.  The last time I posted we were about 5 days out after transfer.  During the two week wait, I prayed like crazy and felt really good about the whole thing.  Wednesday(28th) was when Aurora called us to give us the results.  I took the day off so that I could be with Thomas when they called and good thing I did.  We were in the round pin working horses and the phone rang and our hearts stopped.  I missed the phone call so I had to call her back, when she answered the phone I could tell by the tone of her voice that it was negative.  She answered and I said Aurora its Liz, she said Hi Liz.. I told her I can tell by your voice it's not good news and she said I am so sorry, it was negative.  I think I was so in shock I didn't know what to say.. I said well that's unfortunatly part of it.  When I hung up the phone, I lost it and Thomas was in tears.  My first reaction was to be angry and I was.  I didn't understand.. everything went so well and they were confident in the two we transferred, what could have went wrong??  After all the time and money we spent and Lacy, how was I going to tell her??  I wanted to be the one to tell her so I called and she was in shock just like us.  I know she was strong for me on the phone, she assured Thomas and I both that this is not over and whatever we are willing to do her and Paul will be there.  Then it was time to call family and friends to let them know.  We called our parents first.. my mom was crushed and my dad was speechless.  Thomas' parents were all the same way, but everyone was supportive no matter what we decided to do from here.  I sent out texts to our friends because it was easier than trying to talk on the phone.  I tried to put a tough face on but it was really hard but I reminded myself that we have come to far in our faith to doubt it now!  There is a reason why this cycle didn't work and we have to know that God knows what is best for us.  Part of me says we tried, and lets just move on, while the other side says just give it one more try!  From the beginning Thomas and I said that we would try one time and if it didn't work it just wasn't meant to be.  I can't help but feel God didn't open these doors to leave us and we need to try one more time.  I took Thursday off from work also.. All of my girls at work have been so supportive through out this and I just couldn't face anyone to tell them what had happened.  I called one of my close friends at the office and told her to go ahead and tell everyone so that I wouldn't have to when I come back on Monday.  Yesterday we met with Dr. Allon to discuss all of the results and what could have went wrong.  I think was was most frustrating was that he couldn't give us and exact answer for why it didn't work either.. he was at a loss for words.  He is adament that we try again.  He said he would like to tweak just a few things but he feels this was possibly a bad cycle and that we would be successful this next time.  He also told us how well I responded to everything, and if another doctor looked at the stimulation of my ovaries they would be lost also.  He said this is not common factor but it can happen, that women do really well with everything and for some reason the embryos do not develop like they should.  He did tell me that the two we transferred were of good quality and should have implanted.  He would like for me to do a 28 day cleanse and the next cycle he will stop the dexamethzone which effected my sugar.  During the cleanse I will have to drink a shake and change my eating habits- no gluten, caffeine(ahhhh), no alcohol(no biggie, I don't drink anyways), no red meat and so on.  He also ordered a chromosome test on Thomas and I just to see if that could have possibly had something to do with it.  We will take this all one day at a time, and regroup.  Paul and Lacy are just amazing.  Not only have they opened their hearts and minds to all of this they are willing to try again until we are successful... Please keep them in your prayers also, this journey is not easy on anyone, and they are our strength!  The next two months will be busy so hopefully that will help pass the time.. Thomas is showing at the cutting in San Antonio and then the following week we have the ranch gelding competition.. then March we have Houston.  Thank you to all of our followers and support system.. You guys keep us going.  Thomas and I went dancing for a little while last night.. it was so great to get back to doing what we love!  We saw so many of our friends and were overwhelmed with their love and support.  I had one friend tell me you all have so many people praying and pulling for y'all- people you don't even know.  That has just stuck with me today.  As  I have said from day one, we want no sympathy simply because there is nothing to be sorry about!  We have been given a once in a lifetime experience!  This journey is not easy but it is worth it and we are blessed to have such an amazing couple to share this with hand in hand.  It's not easy being completely vulnerable either and putting our story out there, however just knowing the people we have helped along the way makes it all worth it!  Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who have been there with us through this.  Hang on, we've had an unexpected detour but we're going to stay on this road that God put before us... might get a little rocky but HE is in control!!  Let's do this! #babybray