Third time is the charm!!

Gosh, never would I have imagined we would be where we are right now.. Here is what has been going on the past two months!!  I last left off with our 2nd transfer and 1st cycle with Houston IVF.  We were so excited and there wasn't a doubt in our mind that we would be pregnant after the nine day waiting period.  We tried to stay busy during that time and we discussed not taking an at home pregnancy test but of course I couldn't wait and had Lacy take one.  Our first at home test we took 5 days after the transfer which usually with the quality of the embryos we transferred we would be getting a positive at home.. She took the test and negative.  I prayed like crazy that night, Please Lord don't let this be happening again.  Thomas was pretty set that if it didn't work this time that we wouldn't try again. Day 6- negative again, Day 7-negative again.. by this time I knew that it "wasn't too early" or "late implantation".. I knew that once again we were getting ready to face the call on day 9 that I remembered all too well..  I tried to prepare myself but deep down I really started to believe that maybe it did work.  We asked for prayers and had so many people reaching out to us, it had to work.  I went in to the office that day to try to stay busy.  We were in the lunch room and the phone rang- it was Jessica(our nurse).. She said;" Liz, How are you?"  I said,"To be honest I have been dreading your call", she then said ,"I have been dreading calling you, I'm so sorry honey but it is negative."  I asked her to please call Lacy because I just couldn't do it, not again.. I couldn't believe we put her through all of this for another negative.  My girls at the office immediately tried to console me but I couldn't face anyone, I didn't want to see or talk to anyone.  I left and went home and sat in my room and cried.  I was so angry, sad, hurt, embarrassed.. you name it, I felt it.  After talking with Thomas and Lacy we decided we would try for a third transfer but keep this one quiet.  I honestly hated keeping it quiet because there are so many of you that truly care and I felt I was being deceitful by not saying anything, but we thought maybe something good would come if we changed things up a bit!  We went in and met with Dr. McKenzie and she told us she never imagined she would be meeting with us.  First thing she ordered was blood work for Lacy just to make sure there wasn't some antibody that was rejecting the embryos- that came back negative which was great news!  If it was positive we would have to start her on blood thinners which was not ideal.  Dr. McKenzie knew how apprehensive Thomas was about another transfer so she made sure to spend time explaining all the ends and outs of this whole process.  In my mind, I knew that we had 7 frozen embryos all of good quality and I felt we can't give up on them.  I knew there had to be at least one fighter in there.  A friend of mine told us a few months ago- I mean surely there's one good one, and boy has that stuck with me.  The fact is when you look at statistics on IVF most cases take multiple transfers as even though they grow to a beautiful 5 day embryo doesn't mean that they are chromosomally healthy.  This transfer would be different as Thomas and I did not have to do anything since we had frozen embryos.  Lacy had to wait to have her cycle and then she was able to start medications up again.  What a trooper she is.  Not only shots, but pills and other things I won't say.. but just know she is a rockstar!!  We knew that this would probably be our last shot for a while and were ready to place all of our cares and worries in God's hands and know that he has our best interest in mind.  Once Lacy started medications, she started going in for bloodwork and ultrasounds to make sure her uterus was ready for the embryos.  Our third transfer was scheduled for August 3rd, which again was a little nerve wracking only because we would not know what the embryos looked like after thaw until we arrived for transfer.  I started worrying that what if they didn't make it through thaw and we would have to keep thawing until we found a healthy one or two.  Well to my surprise when we arrived they gave us the great news that the two that were thawed still looked perfect and showed no signs of degeneration.  Again, we were all able to be in the room and in they came in their little incubator.  We were able to look at them again, and they looked so perfect.  I was a little nervous because I knew that they looked so great the last time also.  This transfer I have to be honest I felt more at peace, not quite so nervous or anxious.  After the transfer there we were again for the 9 day wait!  We opted not to take an at home pregnancy test, although I did ask Lacy a few times, because if she wanted too, you all know I would be all for it!  Before you knew it the 9 days were up and it was the day of bloodwork! August 12th was the day and poor Lacy had an awful morning just trying to get the bloodwork done.   Lab opened later after she drove all the way there, got a warning speeding ticket and got a eye trying to load cows!  I couldn't believe it, all of this and we hadn't even had the blood drawn yet!  AHH!!  Luckily she was okay and the wait was on!  I was at the office again, and sure enough got the call right before I went to lunch.. but not from Jessica, it was THomas this time and he was calling the office which he never does-- He says, "Well do you want the good news or the bad news... The bad news for you is you're stuck with me forever and the good news is, I'm going to be a daddy and you're going to be a mama!!"  What?  Wait, what?  Huh?  Did I hear you correctly??  I couldn't believe it... I immediately lost it.  It was finally coming true!  I was going to be a mom!!  I walked back to the break room and everyone was standing up waiting for my response and I couldn't even talk all I could do was give them a thumbs up!!  Our numbers needed to be over 50 and we were at 140!  We had repeat bloodwork two days later and our number didn't jump quite like we thought it would and went from 140 to 232, Jessica said do not worry but we will check again in 4 days just to make sure we're rising like we want.  4 days later we were at 965!  I couldn't believe it, no more bloodwork then we just waited for the 27th for the ultrasound. We opted not to say anything pubically until after the ultrasound.  It couldn't get here soon enough.  What an experience.  All of the "moms" came with us.  My mom, Lynnann and Julie.  First in the room we just had Lacy, myself and Thomas.  Dr. McKenzie came in and was so excited that we had made it this far.  They told us they were looking for a heartbeat but if they didn't hear it we would come back the following week to look again because sometimes it's hard to detect.  As soon as she started looking around I saw the black gestational sac right away and took a deep breathe followed by a flow of tears.  She explained that everything looked perfect.  We have one large sac with a baby and a strong heartbeat of 117 bpm.  As she looked around she also saw another sac, but it didn't look like it was developing on schedule and said it probably would not progress any further.  Upset?  I don't know if upset is a good word but I did feel some sadness only because I felt like one of our little peas tried but just wasn't strong enough.  She told us we would check again in 2 weeks and if everything looked good, we would be transferred to Lacy's ob.  I said, wait.. don't make us leave, we like it here and don't want to go anywhere else!!  It is standard that once you are 8 weeks healthy gestation that they release you.  I just can't imagine having to deal with another office.  After the care that has been delivered at Houston IVF the new office has some very big shoes to fill!  Once everything was good we brought all the moms in to hear the heartbeat and see their newest grandbaby.  What an emotional rollercoaster all of this has been and to think we have finally made it here.  We are only here because God has placed something so amazing in Lacy's heart to give her everything to us and carry our little pea.  She is truly our angel on earth.  Here are a few snapshots from the last couple of visits... Our next ultrasound is on September 10th- if all is good, off the the OB we go!!

No searching for those lines!! 

 Our Super Surro Pea Mama!

 Our little fighter is in there!!

 How amazing is she?

 Uterus looking perfecto!

The little white spot is where they are placed!

 We always had to search for a positive line and this time is was as bright as it could be!!!  Love this gem!!

 My baby daddy and I!! 

Sibohan and Laretha- our lab ladies that are the best at drawing blood!  They made sure to come out and hug us and cry with us!!  They were so excited for us!!

 Our little fighter!! The smaller black sac is #2 that they will keep an eye on.

This was before the ultrasound-- what are the odds?!

Transfer Day!!

One of the days you count down until is here!  We woke up this morning still feeling pretty good.  Thomas and I talked a lot last night about some of the what if's and some of the things that both of us were worried about.  My biggest fear is that we would go in and there wouldn't be any embryos left.  I can't explain to anyone what it is like, unless of course you've been there.  I hate to keep comparing things to our first round and this round has been so different but in the back of my mind I can't help but remember the call that they weren't looking good and we would need to proceed with transfer.  This round at day 3, they were still looking really good so now we just needed them to still be strong on day 5- which is today.  The didn't take them out yesterday because they do not want to disturb them so it is all about a waiting game.  Lacy and Paul opted to drive in this morning since our transfer wasn't scheduled until 11 and we had to check-in at 1030.  I put together a big basket of candy for the office to have, a gift for Lacy and for our nurse Jessica.  First, Lacy had to have some bloodwork done and Jessica came by to check on us.  She was so excited-- she said, "Have they told you??".. I said no what's up!??  She said let me check one thing and I will be right back... She came back with tears in her eyes and said y'all have 7 that look great.  Most are grade AA and you have a few BB- which is still great.  Immediately I started crying and Lacy was elated with joy!  We couldn't believe it!  Jessica said, this is it Liz.. it is going to work!  The two they are transferring are absolutely perfect!  I couldn't wait to get out to the reception area to tell Thomas.  He was completely shocked!  We both were!  This was such great news!  I went back with Lacy to get her ready for transfer and once we were in the room the boys came in also.  The first round I was the only one able to go back with Lacy which I really hated.  I really wanted Thomas there and Paul too for Lacy.  This round we were all going to be in the room for the transfer.  What an absolutely amazing procedure and how different this office was versus our first office... NIGHT AND DAY!  Houston IVF is absolutely amazing-- so high tech.  Thomas and I both agreed if this is going to work we were definitely at the right place.  Once we got settled in the boys came in and shortly after the embryologist came in to talk to us about the two we were transferring.  He said they were the best quality they could be and he was very happy with them.  Next he brought them in.. In came an incubator, I immediately lost it.  I knew that inside there were two babies, that even though I wouldn't be able to help them finish growing, that Thomas and I made those... together.  Just a rush of emotions.  Thomas even got teary eyed- hell we all did!  What an amazing thing!  He asked if we wanted to come look at them, I couldn't believe it.  I looked first and then Thomas.  There is nothing like it, nothing!  It is amazing to think this is how we all start out!  A little blob... and ours were just beautiful.  I feel like I just love them already.  I can't explain it.  I've wanted nothing more than for Thomas and I to be able to make a baby and now we possibly have.  Just overwhelming. Dr. McKenzie came in and went over everything with us.  We prayed over everything and got started.  Dr. McKenzie is great-- can't say enough good things about her.  She said, "Elizabeth I can't tell you how happy I was when I came in this morning to see what the embryos looked like.  After what you all have been through I just want this to work."  She explained everything she did while she was doing it.  The communication between her and the embryologist was amazing.  He never left the room.. We were able to watch the actual placement of the embryos in Lacy's uterus on the ultrasound screen.  They use a small catheter to place them in and she took her time.  Round 1 it was done so fast.  This time she  said I want them towards the top of her uterus and I want to make a little well for them to be comfortable in.  Just explainable. After the actual transfer the embryologist flushes the catheter to make sure both were flushed in.  All was good!  Dr. McKenzie sat for a few minutes and visited with us.  She said, " I wish I had a crystal ball, and I wish I could tell you this will work but it's out of our hands.. we've done all we can do, but I want you to know that I have never placed embryos of your quality and my patient have to do another round." I know that every case is extremely different and we need Lacy's uterus to accept these babies and help them thrive, but I have so much more hope this time.. Never loosing faith, but hope is surely back in the picture.  We will have a blood work pregnancy test next Wednesday and if, well I should say when it is positive the first twelve weeks are crucial for development.  Thank you all for your prayers and support-- it is making our dreams come true!  Now we just wait.. which by now I should be better at, but anyone that knows me knows that I am NOT good at that!!  #babybray #round2

As always here is a few snapshots..

Heart as big as Texas!

 Here they come!!

Their home for the past 5 days.. time to get cozy in that U!!

 Proud Papa checking out our babies!!

 Getting ready to transfer

 They are the white spot in the middle of the black blob.

 Perfect 5-day embryos!

Our first sonogram picture! Grow babies, GROW!!

Paul had to get comfy!! Hahah!

Extremely Blessed!!!

Wow!!  So much has happened!!  We finished stimulation phase, retrieval has been done and now we are waiting to transfer!  So let me back track a few days to keep everyone up to date.  During the stimulation phase they did an excellent job of keeping my estrogen level within a normal range.  At all of my scan/bloodwork appointments everything was looking right on track.  I did my trigger shots on Monday night the 25th.  When I went in for my check on Tuesday am, they were very pleased with the way things looked. My awesome nurse-Jessica called to let me know everything looked great and we were set for egg retrieval on Wednesday morning.  I asked what my estrogen was because normally she would tell me and she said.. now Liz don't get caught up in that we're on track.  Right away I knew it must have spiked because she didn't want to tell me.  I said please Jessica I have to know- she said it has spiked to 7400 but please do not worry we are still okay.. you are much less than you were the first time which I was at nearly 12k by retrieval. She said you are at the best place you could be and I know everything is scary but I truly believe everything is going to work out.  I couldn't help but stress.. I started to feel like I was reliving the nightmare of the first round.  Tuesday night my mom came in town to stay with us so that she could go to the retrieval with us and take care of me while Thomas was working.  We got up early and thank goodness I was able to sleep like a rock, because Monday night I had food poisioning and was up sick all night.. so Tuesday was all about sleep!  We had to be at the office at 730 for the retrieval.  As I was laying there I felt so many emotions.. I was nervous, scared, happy, sad.. you name it I felt it.  Thomas had to give a new sample that day-- again, poor guy haha!  They took him back and about 15 minutes later they came to get me.  I walked into the surgical room and told the anesthesiologist, I am an extremely hard stick.. I have really small veins and me not being able to drink anything past midnight I was slightly dehydrated.   He started to look at my hands and arms and looked up at the doctor(McKnight) and said this is going to be a tough one.   My arms were so bruised from daily bloodwork he was really left with nothing to work with.. After 3 tries he finally found a small winner in my hand.  Phew!  While he was doing all of that the nerves set in.. As I looked around the room I saw the test tubes, all the supplies and to my right was an incubator...(which I never saw at my first office).  I said is that where they will be?  She said yes sweetie that is where your sweet little ones will be growing and developing.. I lost it, just cried my eyes out.  Dr. McKnight, who I hadn't personally seen but she had done Lacy's procedures was amazing.. She rubbed my legs and kept telling me it was going to be okay and they were going to do everything to make it work!  They told me to scoot down and said you'll feel some warm water-- I said Wait!!  Won't I be asleep, she said yes just getting you prepared, and wouldn't you know that was the last thing I remember until I was in recovery.  I woke up to Thomas and my mom staring at me, my first question was how many did we get?  They said 16 and still counting!  After being in recovery for a while they gave me the go ahead to be released and we headed home.  I sleep most of the afternoon and woke up in quite a bit of pain.  That night was tough, I couldn't get comfortable and I was anxiously waiting for the phone call in the morning to let me know how many, how many were mature and how many fertilized.  I woke up the next morning in pain and with some anxiety.  Jessica called about 9 to inform me that we had a total of 21, 16 were mature and 11 had fertilized.  She eased my nerves and reminded me that they are in a state of the art lab and right where our little ones needed to be.  This was considered day 1.  We wouldn't get a call until day three which happens to be today for an update on how our embryos were looking and how many had survived!  We received the best news we could have-- all 11 were still developing and looking good and we are set for a 5 day transfer on Monday!!  I couldn't help but start crying!!  I remember the phone call from round 1 like it was yesterday.  SHe told me they weren't looking good and we would need to come in the next day for transfer, after 12 we only had 3 and none were able to be frozen.. ugh.  I knew I couldn't handle that devastation again.  There are no guarantees and this journey is all a waiting game, but to hear all 11 are still progressing gives me such hope which I was beginning to loose.  Let me make myself clear I have never lost faith-- faith that God knows what is best for us regardless of what I want or what I feel is best.. but hope, my hope tank was on E.  Now it's full again!!  We need our prayer warriors to please pray that our little ones continue to develop and progress normally over the next two days and that we have two little fighters to transfer on Monday.  Lacy is ex tactic and we are over the moon!!  We truly feel our prayers and dreams of becoming a Mom and Dad might be coming true!  Also some other great news... we will be an AUnt and Uncle again any hour now!!!  Allison (thomas' sister) should be having our precious niece Logan sometime this evening!!  SO many good things happening lately I can't help but be overjoyed that we're having some of the goodness!!!  Again, we want to thank everyone for their support and prayers through all of this.  We chose to put our story out there in hopes of helping others and everytime I get a message, text or call from someone saying how we have inspired them makes every emotion we have felt or every comment that we have had to deal with worth it.  I pray that no one has to go through any type of fertility treatment but studies show 1 in every 4 couples will have some type of issue and they can all be very different.  Just remember before you judge someones journey, take a few steps and see how far you get.. #babybray #round2 #justonegoodone

Here are a few snap shots from the past couple of days: 

Follicle check! That probe is scary just sayin!! Hah!

Looking good!

Growing!

Trigger #1

My transfer socks from my sock buddy!!

Strongest woman I know! Mama.. or Nanny as the baby will call her ;)

My rock, better half and the one God chose for me..oh yah and Baby Daddy! 

Courtesy of the baby daddy!  Good meds! 

Counting down until retrieval!!

Since my last post I went in to see Dr. McKenzie last Thursday for my suppression check- the purpose of this appointment was to check my levels and ovaries to make sure they were responding to the medication they had me on.  During the first round my estrogen was extremely high and they are doing everything they can to prevent this from happening again and causing me to hyperstimmualte--not good.  When you hyperstimmulate your ovaries retain fluid around them, causing a number of issues some as minor as bloating and nausea but can become very severe where the fluid can start pushing on your organs causing a number of problems.  Their goal this round is to keep my estrogen level within a certain range so they had to have me on two different medications prior to starting the stimmulation to basically place my body in a "meopausal state" where my estrogen would be very low so that when I start stimualtions they can build me up slowly.  At the suppression check Dr. McKenzie wasn't avaiable for my ultrasound so Dr. Hickman who is the owner and director of the office completed my ultrasound on Thursday.  The best surprise of the appointment was when we walked into the reception area to sign in and my best friend, Heidi was there.   She surprised me!  Now the next surprise was that when Dr. Hickman did the ultrasound he found about 20 follicles in my right ovary and 25 in the left.  He told us he feels that I have poly cystic ovaries but not the syndrome.  For me this means I produce numerous follicles in each ovary-- which is not always a good thing.  The first round total we had 25 follicles and I hyperstimmulated and now I have nearly double that.  Dr. Hickman called Dr. Scollcraft who is the the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine to discuss my case-- he is like the guru of gurus-- I thought this was so neat and I was really pleased that they had taken such an intrest in my case.  They decided to stop the Lupron that I had been on for 10 days and switch me to ganarelix for the weekend. Friday- Sunday.. it is similar to the lurpon for suppression but just a different med.  Over the weekend we went with some friends (Khahn and JW) to Louisiana to celebrate her 30th birthday.  We had such a great time getting away from everything and leaving all of our worries behind.  It was much needed!!  Unforutnatly we had to come back to reality and start stimualtion meds on Monday.  Lacy had her appointment on Monday and everything looked perfect.  Her uterus was just how they wanted it to be and all of her bloodwork looked great.  Paul came also to have his bloodwork done and everything was great.  I am currently on day 3 and I am already bloated and have gained about 4-5 pounds.  I went Wednesday for bloodwork to check my estrogen level and it was right where they wanted it to be.  The lowered one of the dosages of my injections from 150 to 75.  I will go in tomorrow (Friday) to find out more of a timeline of when my retrieval will be.  I am anxious to find out because I am such a planner and not knowing has kind of thrown me for a loop... Actually it's not only that I am a planner but kind of a control freak (haha) so not knowing and having it all out of my hands has been very interesting.  The first round Thomas and I discussed names a lot and of course I couldn't help but think about names again this round.  There are so many names I just love it will be hard to just choose 1 or maybe 2 :)  It has been raining quite a bit around here so we haven't been able to do much outside, which actrually works out for me considering I am so tired from all the meds and already so bloated.  I actually embrace my little egg bump, after all it is the closest thing I will have to a baby bump so it kind of gives me an idea of what it would be like.  During our first round I keep in close contact with 3 other girls who were all going through IVF and all stories were very different; one used an egg donor, one did traditional IVF and after multiple failed IVFs one is now using a surrogate-- and they are all PREGNANT!!  I'm hoping this is a good sign for our furture and that we will be next!!  Thomas' sister is due the first week in June but could go any day now.. She is having a little girl and reminds me of why I think I want a boy so bad.. I could go broke buying cute clothes really quickly!  Today will be day 4 of my injections and tomorrow I will hopefully be given good news!  I do have to add a little something-- This week at church we are hosting families through family promise.  What we do is house families who are involved in the program.  It is up to a 90 day program that helps families who have been displaced from their homes.  There is a facility that they go to during the day where they can shower, job search and get ready for the day.  Local churches participate and from 630pm-530am they stay at the church.  We all sign up for different duties throughout the week.  I always sign up to bring dinner for two nights.  During those two nights I met a mother and her two daughters and just clicked with them.  The girls were so sweet and just gravtitated to me.  When I left last night the 11 year old hugged me tight and asked if I could please stay with them... just broke my heart.  Another girl from a different family asked if they could stay here on the weekends, not having any idea that next week they will be a different church.  It definitely puts things into perspective and makes me so ashamed at how down I get.  I have a house, nice vehicles, food on the table and a family that loves me.  Sometimes we just forget how blessed we are.  Here are some photos from the week.  #babybray #justonegoodone #blessed

shots, shots, oh yah shots!

Let's do this!! Making eggs baby!

 Crazy Paul giving the techs a hard time!!

 Couldn't ask for a better woman to carry our little one!! :)

 2nd times a charm!!

Goodies for Lacy after transfer!! 

Tomorrow is suppression check!

Well the past two weeks have been extremely tough, not only on me but on my poor hubby.  He has put up with my extreme hot flashes, headaches and these lovely mood swings.  The first round I did not have to take these injections, I went straight into stimulations.  I will go in tomorrow morning for my first ultrasound and bloodwork.  They will take a look at everything and if all looks good I will start the stimualtion injections on Saturday.  I had in my head all along that this round would be easier because I knew what to expect but I feel that the harsh reality of it possibly not working again is just haunting me.  Everywhere I turn someone is pregnant... I mean everywhere.  I'm not the type to get down or sad but for some reason I have had a really hard time.  I will never forget the phone call the first time.  I feel like it was just yesterday, I can still hear the nurses voice and remember what we were doing the exact minute she called.  I feel much more confident in our new office and feel so blessed to have the opportunity to try again.  I've been asked what will we do if it doesn't work again, and unfortunately it is reality but I try not to think about it.  I know that God has a plan for us, I've said that from the start.. I'm just starting to realize that it might not be the exact plan I was looking for.  What doesn't kill us will only make us stronger I suppose.  Lacy will go in on Friday for her ultrasound and bloodwork to make sure she is ready for everything.  I am apart of quite a few facebook pages for women who are going through IVF, whether it be traditional or using a surrogate and they do a "sock buddy".  Where other women who are transferring and having their eggs retrieved around the same time as your send you special socks to wear during your procedures or any other little gifts to go along with it.  I'm looking forward to it!  I'm praying that tomorrow is a better day and that the Dr. McKenzie is pleased with everything tomorrow and we are a go for Saturday!

Week 2 for Lacy, Week 1 for me! SHots!

Well the past couple of days have been an absolute roller coaster of emotions.  Thursday afternoon when I got off of work I headed to Brenham for the weekend.  On the way there I had been back and forth with two pharmacies trying to order all of my medication for round 2.. The first pharmacy- Freedom, recommended I try using my insurance benefits to see if they would cover anything-- no one told me this the first round, so I thought well heck yes, of course I will try to use them!  They sent my prescriptions over to Prime Specialties who were contracted with my insurance.  Originally I was quoted $3400 for the medications through Freedom.. after speaking to Prime Specialties they told me the only two medications my insurance would cover were my antibiotic, Lupron and Novarel-- which out of pocket would have only been about 400 to begin with, with insurance I paid $99 which was still a savings.. however the two medications I needed to stimulate- Gonal-F and Menopur were not covered by my insurance and they were willing to give me the cash price which was $5054... after nearly running off the road and spitting my diet dp out, I burst into tears.  It was finally hitting me that we were really starting this journey all over again with a 50/50 chance of conceiving.  I second guessed everything and it all came to the surface.. every emotion I have kept built up and behind closed doors was coming out all at once.  I was mad, sad, nervous, overwhelmed, grateful but also very angry.  I didn't understand why for so many it had worked, or even the fact that people could conceive with no issues yet, have no means to take care of a child.  Why did all of this have to happen to us?  Thomas is going to be the best father and I couldn't even make him one.  You name it, I felt it.  Everywhere I turn someone is pregnant and I mean everywhere.. it's almost like it was starting to haunt me.  I used to be so happy to see someone pregnant and now I dreaded it, it was like I couldn't face it.  This was not me nor the person I wanted to be.. I have tried to be so strong through this all and couldn't understand why I was breaking down, this was not like me.  After a few days of tears and anger.. I started feeling I had gotten away from the one thing that has helped us through this all and that was church.  We have been so busy the past couple of weeks that we have been able to go to church on Sunday for being out of town and Monday bible study got pushed to the back burner.  I absolutely feel this played a major part in what I call my "break down".  Today was a better and new day.  Work was hell for a Monday but I personally felt more like myself.  Lacy started her Lupron injections last week and I will start mine tonight.  I have to admit I am a little apprehensive about how my body will react to them only because with the first round I reacted so quickly and strong with everything.  The explained the side effects and the purpose of the lupron and birth control pills are to place my body in a menopausal state so when they start the stimulation inejctions on the 16th hopefully my estrogen will not get as elevated as the first time.  They would like to keep me between 2-5k versus possibly 10-12k the first round.  Also this round I have only taken two vitamins- COQ-10 and vitamin D.  Dr. McKenzie feels I will do well with everything but the side effects will be on the stronger side due to how my body reacts.  Hopefully Thomas is able to stick it out one more round with me and he doesn't run away(haha).. praying for a positive result for us all.  Paul and Lacy are just amazing.  Paul is having to take antibiotics just for precautions and he was a little upset today that I hadn't called checking to see how he was with the antibiotics(joking) but he did get a little upset tummy haha!  On a serious note, they are so strong and supportive and everything for Thomas and I.  We could not have chosen a better couple to share this journey with and are extremely blessed.  We're off to bible study tonight and maybe doing a little celebrating tomorrow// After all it's CInco de Mayo and our 3 year anniversary!!

Time is flying by!!

Quite a bit has happened since my last update--

Paul and Lacy came down for our group appointment with Leslee Murphy, which went great!  That morning Paul and Lacy met with her first and then all four of us sat and talked with her.  I knew that it was going to go smooth because 1- we had already been through this once and 2- we have an extremely open line of communication, which without that we wouldn't have made it this far!  We all opened up and spoke about the first round and preparing for the second.  It was nice to see that everything was laid out on the table.  That day Lacy also had the hysteroscopy redone and they were very pleased with the results- as usual she has a beautiful uterus! HAHA!  Later that afternoon we received our medication calendars and we able to really see a time line and all the dots connecting.  As of now we are both on birth control- Lacy will start her lupron injections on Monday and I will start my lupron suppression phase on May 4th.  On May 14th I will go in for what they call a "suppression check"- if everything is looking good  I will start stimulation phase on the 16th and then will start the daily/bi-daily bloodwork and ultrasounds.  I am praying for smoothness and healthy embryos this time around.  We have everything in order now we just wait for the days to pass, which they really seem like they have been flying by.  I called and paid for Lacy and I's medications today- wow.  I'm not going to lie sometimes I honestly think about what all of the money we have spent could buy.  There is no way we would have been able to do all of this without our family and friends.  We are so blessed to have such a strong support system, it is just unbelievable.  I am a little more nervous this time around than I was the first time- which is kind of weird seeing as I know somewhat of what to expect.  I have high expectations this round and I am feeling much better.  I had lunch today with a neighbor who I don't see very often, but her and her husband are looking into IVF.  She had a lot of questions so it was kind of neat to tell her all about our experience.. I saw her when we were going through our first round but I knew that she was having a really hard time with her own fertility issues, so I didn't tell her that we were already half way through at that time, but today I told her about everything.  Even though our story didn't have the first ending we were looking for, we are going to try one more time and see what we can do this time!  Even though I am nervous and I am extremely excited and ready to get on with this! 

God is so GOOD! Round 2!

Well a few things have happened since my last update.. I have been meaning to update for sometime now I just haven't found the time.  On March 31st, Thomas and I went for our first visit with the fertility couselor- Leslie Murphy.  She was great and so reassuring that every feeling I was having was completely normal and made us feel so comfortable.  Our next appointment will be on Tuesday, April 14th.  Paul and Lacy will first meet with her and then all four of us will meet with her as a group.  We are extremely blessed that Paul and Lacy are so open and that our line of communication has been open both ways since the beginning making this process much easier.  Houston IVF now has all of our records from our first office and we could not be more happy with their office.  They are night and day difference from our first office.  Lacy will possibly have to have one procedure redone before starting everything up again but otherwise we should be good to go.  Originally Lacy and I were on different cycles- about 10 days apart.  When you are doing the surrogacy route they want you and your carrier on the same cycle.  I was due to start around March 20th.. well days came and went and no period.  I assumed maybe I was going back to my original schedule, which I would have started between the 28th-2nd, well that didn't happen either.  I started on Thursday the 9th and Lacy was due to start on the 10th-- How does that happen, by the grace of God!!  I called our nurse, Jessica-- who I absolutely love and told her it looked like we were within days apart.  She called in birth control for Lacy and I and as long as Lacy started by Saturday, I would start my BC on Saturday and Lacy would start Sunday night.  Last night was my first night to start my pills and Lacy called and said she wasn't sure if her pills were called in or not because they weren't in her pharmacy bag.  Of course I went into panic mode- but really had no reason too.  I called the after hours number who contacted the on-call nurse and she called me within 5 minutes and was so sweet and called in a prescription for Lacy... fact is we never had that promtness with round 1.  It just reassures me that we have made the right decison by changing offices.  We will have more information on time frame when we go in on Tuesday.  The first round I was on birth control before starting my stimulation medicaitons- if that is the same we will be looking at early May for retrieval and transfer.  As most of you that know me, know how much I believe in signs and reasons for everything.  Well with round 1 I promised myself I wouldn't start buying any clothes or baby stuff until we knew we were pregnant and everything was a go.  Well I couldn't help myself and I did buy two outfits... one boy and one girl... Crazy thing is that they were Valentine's day outfits.  One has three hearts on it and the other says, "Most eligible bachelor".. Well here I go reading into it.. So if we transfer in May, we would be looking at a February baby-- just saying!! Unfortunatly there are no guarantees and yes we fully understand what we are getting ourselves into.  We are looking at more money and possibly still leaving empty handed.. I just can't give up when I know I'm not quite ready too.   Thomas and I agreed for our piece of mind we would try one more time and see what happens.  No matter what God has had his hand on all of us from day 1 and he will not leave us now no matter the outcome!  Thank you to our continued support system, we would not be where we are without you all!  Great thanks are in order to our parents- who have stood by us since day 1.  Our friends, you guys know who you are-- you all are too good to us and we are beyond blessed!!  A huge thank you to Wendy Froman, for helping us make the right decision and guiding us through this!!   God is good all the time and it doesn't mean good is always the outcome but he will be there!!  So as I have said before hang on.. here comes ROUND 2!!  Ding ding ding!!

Catching up..

Well guys not too much has happened since my last entry.  We took some time to really think things over and make sure that trying again was something we all wanted to do.  Lacy and Paul could not be more supportive and on board which seemed to make the decision process a little easier.  The last couple of weeks it seemed as if one day we were on board and then the next we had doubts.  After some time and thinking we have decided to try one more time.  We will be using Dr. McKenzie @ Houston IVF and are excited but taking everything a day at a time.  We are beyond blessed to have a friend(who is also a cutter) that has pulled some strings for us and was able to get the office to work with us on the financials and she is working on getting our meds at a lower price.  I cannot thank her enough and everyone for the prayers and support through this whole process, it is just overwhelming.  I have had so many people tell Thomas and I, how strong we are-- to be honest I don't think it's that we're strong but I do think it is that our faith is so much bigger than our fears- it has to be or we wouldn't have made it through everything we have been through.  We are both optomistic that this will work this time around but the reality is very clear as well.  We will go on Marc 30th to meet with the fertility counselor, after which Paul and Lacy will meet with her and then all four of us--it is protocol at the new office.  Once we have met with her we will start taking the steps to get started again!!  I'm thinking somewhere in April or May- no rushing!   I have only had one "semi-breakdown" since we got the results.. I went shopping for my new niece(ETA June) and I lost it in the middle of the store.. it just really hit me that what if I never get to shop for my own child?  I knew at that moment that if we did not try again I would regret it for the rest of my life.  I am beyond blessed to live the life I do and if we are able to add a child to it, it would become that much better... but I do know that Thomas and I already have a great marriage and whether we have a child or not- that will not change.  Someone told me the other day if we have a child, I won't be able to ride and show like I do now... I'm thinking haven't you ever seen those little kangaroo pouch things-- don't think I won't be strapping that baby in there and trotting around!  When I sit and think about things sometimes I bum myself out- like I'm never going to feel the baby kick or move around and don't you know everytime I turn around someone is pregnant.. but I also know that is not what it is all about.  There are many women who have given birth to a child and are far from a "mother".  I know if Thomas and I are blessed with a baby he will be the best daddy around and I will sure try to be the best mama.  I had my retina appoitment the other day and my eyes are stable and he was really pleased with the way they looked- praise the Lord... I also went to see my endocrinologist and I just keep telling myself he was going to clear me to carry a child-- well that didn't happen.  He told me there would be more than a 50% chance that I would loose my vision.. then what good would I be to a child.  Carrying this child will not make me his/her mama but creating him/her and raising, loving and teaching this baby sure will.  The more I learn about God the more everything makes sense.  Some people get mad and angry at God when things don't go their way- I used to be one of them, but I have learned that we're not living our life, we're living the life God has planned for us.  Not everything is going to be exactly how I picture it or how I feel it should be planned but there is a reason why he is God and why things happen the way they do.  Sit and think about some of the things that have happened- I guarantee you there will be an Ah Ha moment, like oh man that was God doing that.  Please keep saying prayers for our friends- one has started her journey through surrogacy and the other will be transferring in April.  Thank you again for being a part of this roller coaster ride.. :)

Update!

Wow, so much has happened since my last entry... there were so many times I thought about posting but time just flew by!  At my last entry we had just went in to visit with Dr. Allon and discuss what happened with our first cycle.  I have to admit I was so frustrated after our visit with him.  I felt he was so postive about everything but maybe he was just painting a pretty picture without being completely honest.  I spoke with numerous people who have gone through the IVF process and we decided to get a second opinon, and I am so glad we did.  Dr. Allon was very pushy for us to try again because he felt the first cycle was just a "bad cycle" and that it would work the second go round.  One main problem is because we did not have any frozen embryos we would have to start everything over again, they were willing to work with us on financials according to Dr. Allon.  A few days after our meeting I received an email that they would start over for half of the original cost.. which is not what I had in mind as far as working with us.  Hind sight is 20/20 and looking back we probably should have gone to another doctor or at least had a second opinon before starting but unfortunatly there is no going back only moving forward...  Dr. Allon had recommended a cleanse for me to do- talk about yuck!  I did it for about 10 days and finally starting thinking to myself, honestly how much is a cleanse going to help us?  People drink, smoke and do drugs all the time and have no problem getting pregnant.. so you're telling me some nasty shake is going to make it work, I don't think so.  We eat healthy, I don't drink, smoke or do drugs.. My "drug" is my diet dr. pepper and those who know me will tell you, just don't take that away, haha!  After we spoke with Lacy and family we decided to try another office to see what their opinion was on what could have gone wrong.  We chose to go with Dr. Laurie McKenzie @ Houston IVF- this was one of the office my ob/gyn had given us a card for also, but they are a bigger office and I was worried about having the one on one care- which mind you we didn't get that at Dr. Allon's anyways.  Houston IVF has one of the highest success rates you will find.. Now reality is just because of that doesn't mean it will work for us or even if we would have tried them first we would have had a different outcome but it sure gives me hope considering their success rate is double Dr. Allon's.  A friend of ours also has her office inside Houston IVF and she could not say enough good things.  Dr. McKenzie is extremely compassionate but above all else honest- which there is not enough money in the world to pay for honesty.  We had our consultation in her office- which I thought was so cool!  I could really tell she had studied our records because she knew just about every question I asked her and had so much good input on things she would change.  Good news is she doesn't see a problem with any of us-- She felt I stimmulated well, Thomas' sperm was good and saw no issues with Lacy.  SHe did however ask if I was miserable early on during the stimmulation medication- which I absolutely was, I told her I couldn't even button my jeans by day 3.  She definitely had some concerns with the protocol that they used to stimualte my ovaries.  Houston IVF never wants the estrogen over 5k before egg retrieval because with high estrogen levels it can damage the quality of the eggs-- well little did we know mine estrogen was 9997 two days BEFORE retrieval leading her to believe that my estrogen was over 10k at retrieval.  SHe also stated they would never transfer on day 4.. if the embryos weren't looking great they would transfer on day 3 but if they're looking good then we would do day 5.  She also felt there could have been an issue in the lab.. Houston IVF's lab is state of the art!  I wish I could turn back time and chose them first but we have to move forward if this is what we're going to do.  SHe said to do away with the cleanse and all the vitamins he had me on- all she has me on is vitamin D and COQ-10.. during stimmulation she also said absolutely no caffiene or ibuprofen.. We have decided to take some time to think things over to make sure this is what we want to endure again.  NO part of this is easy for anyone involved..  We are blessed to have such supportive friends and family and most of all Paul and Lacy.  I ask for all of your prayer warriors to say some extra prayers for a few friends who are on their IVF journies-- One recently received a negative result and will possibly be taking the surrgacy journey and another friend is waiting to do a frozen transfer.  Thank you to each and everyone of you for your prayers and support...  We are blessed to share this journey!

Hang on!

Well it's been a while since my last entry and so much has happened.  The last time I posted we were about 5 days out after transfer.  During the two week wait, I prayed like crazy and felt really good about the whole thing.  Wednesday(28th) was when Aurora called us to give us the results.  I took the day off so that I could be with Thomas when they called and good thing I did.  We were in the round pin working horses and the phone rang and our hearts stopped.  I missed the phone call so I had to call her back, when she answered the phone I could tell by the tone of her voice that it was negative.  She answered and I said Aurora its Liz, she said Hi Liz.. I told her I can tell by your voice it's not good news and she said I am so sorry, it was negative.  I think I was so in shock I didn't know what to say.. I said well that's unfortunatly part of it.  When I hung up the phone, I lost it and Thomas was in tears.  My first reaction was to be angry and I was.  I didn't understand.. everything went so well and they were confident in the two we transferred, what could have went wrong??  After all the time and money we spent and Lacy, how was I going to tell her??  I wanted to be the one to tell her so I called and she was in shock just like us.  I know she was strong for me on the phone, she assured Thomas and I both that this is not over and whatever we are willing to do her and Paul will be there.  Then it was time to call family and friends to let them know.  We called our parents first.. my mom was crushed and my dad was speechless.  Thomas' parents were all the same way, but everyone was supportive no matter what we decided to do from here.  I sent out texts to our friends because it was easier than trying to talk on the phone.  I tried to put a tough face on but it was really hard but I reminded myself that we have come to far in our faith to doubt it now!  There is a reason why this cycle didn't work and we have to know that God knows what is best for us.  Part of me says we tried, and lets just move on, while the other side says just give it one more try!  From the beginning Thomas and I said that we would try one time and if it didn't work it just wasn't meant to be.  I can't help but feel God didn't open these doors to leave us and we need to try one more time.  I took Thursday off from work also.. All of my girls at work have been so supportive through out this and I just couldn't face anyone to tell them what had happened.  I called one of my close friends at the office and told her to go ahead and tell everyone so that I wouldn't have to when I come back on Monday.  Yesterday we met with Dr. Allon to discuss all of the results and what could have went wrong.  I think was was most frustrating was that he couldn't give us and exact answer for why it didn't work either.. he was at a loss for words.  He is adament that we try again.  He said he would like to tweak just a few things but he feels this was possibly a bad cycle and that we would be successful this next time.  He also told us how well I responded to everything, and if another doctor looked at the stimulation of my ovaries they would be lost also.  He said this is not common factor but it can happen, that women do really well with everything and for some reason the embryos do not develop like they should.  He did tell me that the two we transferred were of good quality and should have implanted.  He would like for me to do a 28 day cleanse and the next cycle he will stop the dexamethzone which effected my sugar.  During the cleanse I will have to drink a shake and change my eating habits- no gluten, caffeine(ahhhh), no alcohol(no biggie, I don't drink anyways), no red meat and so on.  He also ordered a chromosome test on Thomas and I just to see if that could have possibly had something to do with it.  We will take this all one day at a time, and regroup.  Paul and Lacy are just amazing.  Not only have they opened their hearts and minds to all of this they are willing to try again until we are successful... Please keep them in your prayers also, this journey is not easy on anyone, and they are our strength!  The next two months will be busy so hopefully that will help pass the time.. Thomas is showing at the cutting in San Antonio and then the following week we have the ranch gelding competition.. then March we have Houston.  Thank you to all of our followers and support system.. You guys keep us going.  Thomas and I went dancing for a little while last night.. it was so great to get back to doing what we love!  We saw so many of our friends and were overwhelmed with their love and support.  I had one friend tell me you all have so many people praying and pulling for y'all- people you don't even know.  That has just stuck with me today.  As  I have said from day one, we want no sympathy simply because there is nothing to be sorry about!  We have been given a once in a lifetime experience!  This journey is not easy but it is worth it and we are blessed to have such an amazing couple to share this with hand in hand.  It's not easy being completely vulnerable either and putting our story out there, however just knowing the people we have helped along the way makes it all worth it!  Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who have been there with us through this.  Hang on, we've had an unexpected detour but we're going to stay on this road that God put before us... might get a little rocky but HE is in control!!  Let's do this! #babybray

Catching up and counting down!

Well here we are day 5 after transfer!  I guess I need to catch everyone up on the past couple of days and what they've been like.  So after the transfer and the initial shock of the results I made the decision that I would not let this discourage me or damage my faith!  I have to stay positive otherwise I would be a miserable wreck and I refuse to put myself or anyone around me through that.  On Thursday after the transfer I was a nervous wreck.. Lacy and Paul went home Wednesday after the transfer and it's honestly a good thing they don't live too close because I would probably drive her crazy!  I went to work on Thursday and tried to keep myself busy because I knew how long the next two weeks would be.  I thought I would have received a call to update me on #3 but they didn't.  Thomas had to leave to go to a horse sale in Oklahoma, but I stayed behind incase Lacy needed something.. I knew being 3 hours away would be better than 10 plus.  On Friday I went in the office to do a few things, which I rarely do but again trying to keep busy and keep my mind from rambling.  I went to McAlister's by myself for lunch.. I thought about calling someone but heck I'm not ashamed to sit and eat by myself!  After I ordered my usual- salad and soup with a LARGE diet DP- thank you very much.. I went to sit down and the phone rang- Dr. Allon's office.  It was Aurora and she seemed so much nicer than usual so I had a feeling she wasn't calling with good news.  She called to check in and to inform me that #3 didn't develop any further... I didn't even shed a tear, what was wrong with me?  Was I numb to it all or was I confident that it just wasn't in God's plan, and I truly am okay with it.  I think it was a little of both.  I've had to learn to seperate my feelings from some of this because of the harsh reality of it all.  Just before I could hang up the phone a young girl(I mean young, like still in braces) and her mom sat down beside me.. and if you've ever been to the McAlister's in Rosenberg the 2 person tables are right next to each other.  On the table she sat down her phone and 4 ultrasound photos.  Once I hung up the phone I started listening to her talk to her mom about how excited she was to be having a little girl.  I couldn't help but listen to her talk and I was so overcome with peace.. I can't even describe what I felt really but I knew I had to say something to her, after all I had only been creeping in and listeing to their conversation for 30 minutes- haha!  While all of this is going on I went ahead and called Thomas, my mom, the inlaws and messaged a few people to let them know about #3.  At the same time I received a text from my mother in law to tell me that Allison(Thomas' sister) was having a girl.  I worried in the beginning of all of this that I might have anger towards people that were experiencing something that we might not, but this wasn't the case at all!  All along I thought she was having a boy, so now I feel maybe Thomas and I will be having the boy!  Who knows really, only God, and I'm okay with that... I have to be, what is done is done.  After I finished eating I knew that I had to say something to this young girl and I did.  I stood up and said I'm really sorry and I hope I don't freak you out by telling you this but long story short my husband and I are going through some fertility issues right now and I fully beleive God sat you next to me for a reason.  You have given me light and hope during a phone call that I thought I would be crushed by and I wanted to tell you thank you.  She was extremely sweet and said well I'm going through a rough time also, the baby's father left me right after I found out.  I told her I would keep her in my prayers and that she would be just fine without him.  I left there that day and couldn't help but put pieces of this crazy puzzle together.  God has been with us throughout this journey from day one and has opened each of these doors... things that have happened only he could do.  Some people say, I can't believe how far you've come in your faith.. well to be honest I have a long way to go.  I do know this when you feel you have nothing left, faith will always be there and you have to believe.  I decided that since Thomas was out of town I was going to spend the weekend keeping busy.  I had my nails done, which I haven't in forever... I met a friend and her mom for dinner, went to the mall with two of my childhood friends who will always be there- didn't buy a thing except for two books that I haven't been able to put down!  It was nice to get out and see friends and just relax!  It was great but boy was I ready for my love to be home.  At church on Sunday I spoke with a girl who I always was little shy around only because it seemed as if she didn't open up as much as I do.. which I sometimes read into that the wrong way.... anyways her and her husband have been through a mountain of emotions themselves.  She lost a baby boy last February.  I remember seeing her at church one Sunday and she was pregnant  and looked about due and the next time I saw them no belly and no baby.  I will never forget crying on this Sunday in worship because I was so angry that people took pregnancy for granted because I knew there would be a chance I wouldn't experience that and I saw her crying and walk out to get air... My heart sank, the reality of it was that could very well be Thomas and I one day.. or anyone really.  Her and I talked for a good while yesterday and even though our journeys are different I feel so conected to her.  She doesn't give herself enough credit for how strong she is and we talked about that.  Anyways pray for peace and guidance for her and her husband, they are amazingly strong and a picture of God's work!  Our next step is to wait until the 28th for the blood pregnancy test.. I know of people who have taken the at home and from what I gather it will not give you  a false positive but it could give you a false negative.  Geez, what to do??  Our friends did one on day 6, well guess what tomorrow is day 6!  AHHH!  Who knows what we will do, the struggle is real I tell ya! hah!  In case you all didn't know I am absolutely counting down and today is 9 days left!  Again I just want to thank each and everyone of you for your support and prayers, it is absolutely overwhelming.  Everyone you meet is fighting a battle and ours is by no mean easy but it could always be so much more difficult.  We have learned to take everything in stride and though sometimes things might seem as a curse are really a blessing in disguise to bring you right where you need to be in life.  Please continue to pray for our little babies 1 and 2 (so I call them).. we pray they develop into strong healthy babies that in about 38 weeks we will be holding in our arms, God willing.  Thank you for follwing our journey and being apart of this crazy thing we call life!

Transfer day, talk about shock!

Wow, so much has happened the past few days!  The day after egg retrieval I ended up in the ER because I couldn't keep anything down.  My ovaries were showing signs of being hyper stimulated so they started me on another pill to help with fluid build up.  Funny of the night in the ER.  The ER doctor comes in to tell us that my pregnancy test is coming back positive, I said that is completely impossible.. it has to be because of all of the hormones I'm on.  He said let me run it again, and of course comes back saying it is still positive.  HAHA- only time that will ever happen!  He called Dr. Allon and they ran a count and the count was in normal range with the hormones I was on, so bam- I'm not pregnant.  I was able to go home that night and thankfully rested Monday and was able to keep everything down.   They called me yesterday at work and about gave me a heart attack.  They stated that the embryos were not progressing as Dr. Allon and the embryologist would like and in order to give them the best chance they would like to transfer on Wednesday.  Talk about a compelete shock!  On Saturday, they were so positive and excited that they were able to retrieve 22 eggs!  Even on Sunday.. they had fertilized 17 and 12 had survived.  Well Monday that all changed and they waited until Tuesday to see what the remainder looked like.  They didn't tell me on the phone how many were remaining or really much of anything.  I'm guessing the coordinator didn't want to say too much and be bound to her words.  After that phone call I lost it.. I didn't understand what all of this meant.  She told me not to worry, but of course I'm going to worry.  You've told me they look "okay" and "good" but not "great".. I couldn't grasp that two days before everything was looking so good and now this??  Lacy and Paul have been so great, and from day one whatever they needed to do, or whenever they needed to come down they're here.  This morning they drove in and we met them so we could all ride together.  Up until today we have not had to wait at Dr. Allon's but maybe 10 minutes.  Well today we waited two hours before being brought back.. talk about anxiety growing during that time!  We opted to do acupucture for Lacy to help with blood flow to her uterus.  When they brought us back that was first the doctor came in to start her acupucture which takes about 45 minutes.  They place the small needles in a few places- her feet, wrists, stomach and one in her head.  After they had all them placed they placed a heat lamp on her abdomen to help with the flow also.  She took her valium and we waited.  AFter acupucture was done Dr. Allon came in to give us the news on our embryos.. Talk about SHOCK!!  We started with 22 eggs, 17 were of size and maturity to fertilize.  After fertilization 12 survived.  We were so excited at that point, well in shock himself Dr. Allon told us that for some reason most of the embryos did not progress any further.  Only 3 had, one looked on schedule, one was a little behind and the third was about a day behind.  Of course Lacy said lets put all 3 in and see what happens.  We opted just to do the two stronger ones which in a normal case is what Dr. Allon would do.  I was in such shock I couldn't speak.  THis meant we have this one chance to get it right, but as I sit here and want to feel sorry for myself I think about that ladies who have no eggs, or the couples who have 0 embryos that make it to transfer date.  We now need prayers for strength for our embryos and now that they are in their home that they are able to thrive and grow!  I was able to go in with Lacy for the transfer and what an amazing experience!  They used an abdominal ultrasound to locate Lacy's uterus and they also had a camera in the lab with the embryos so I was able to see our babies on a screen and watch them be transfered to Lacy.  It was absolutely life changing watching that. My sister told me- sissy those babies want some where warm so they can get comfortable and grow, they're tired of being in a dish!  I have to remind myself that!  We will know on January 28th where we are.  Lacy will take a blood pregnancy test and then two weeks after we will do an ultrasound.. No matter what we have to keep our faith and the past two days have been very trying.  I laid in bed last nigth reading scriptures just to try to keep my head up and it helped so much.  I felt great and confident this morning, and now just feel a little defeated after Dr. Allon's report.  I hurt so much for Thomas and I have from the beginning.. He tells me daily that he married me for me and he did not marry me to have a child, that him and I are family and that's enough for him.  Saturday he really showed emotion and was so excited, he even text Lacy, "I'm going to be a daddy".  I hurt so bad for him that he might be missing out on something because of me.  He has been so strong and continues to be strong.  Thank you to all of our prayer warriors, I know without each of you and God that we wouldn't be where we are.  Please pray for Lacy and Paul in the weeks to come, for our two little peanuts in Lacy and for Thomas, even though he says he doesn't need it.  Let the countdown begin!!  Here are a few photos from today..

Day of transfer goodies for my oven! :)

She's got a heart as big as Texas

Never looses that beautiful smile!

 

Start of acupucture, I told her see your oven is hot!!

Life changing!

 

People say the biggest blessing is a child, I think the biggest blessing in life is to do something for someone when there is no possible way they would ever be able to repay you.  No matter what the outcome is our hearts will forever be joined, afterall you have part of us in you.. :)

Egg retrieval and the day after

On Thursday evening I took the lupron injections and the trigger shot.  On Friday I took my last two injections of Lupron and  we had our ultrasound appointment with Lacy.  I was extremely nervous about this appointment.  At her last ultraosund in San Antonio they noted that there was some fluid on her uterus.  This was not a deal breaker by any means but if the fluid was tstill there not only would they have to drain it, they would have to push the transfer date out.  This means they would have to freeze the embryos until her uterus was ready.  Thank the good Lord there was no fluid on her uterus and it looked great!!  Only God could have had his hand in this!  After the ultrasound Lacy, Paul and I went to lunch for her birthday.  For those of you that don't know them, they are such great people.  I'm not saying that only because they are giving us the greatest gift of all, but in general.  They have such big hearts and are so down to earth and open about life and it's struggles!  Friday afternoon my mom and Ray came in to town since she was going to the appointment with us.  Of course she took the kitchen over and cooked enough meals for an army!  My oldest brother John came over for a little while to hang out as well.  I went to bed early thinking if I laid there long enough I would be able to sleep.. well that didn't really work out.  I think once I finally fell asleep the alarm was going off.  We left the house just before 6 to head in for my 645 appointment.  The anesthesiologist met with us first to dicuss everything.  I've had problems in the past with nausea after sedations so he made sure to address all of our concerns.  Dr. Allon came in to talk to us and he seemed so positive that everything had went so well.  Before you knew it the IV was in my arm and they were getting ready to walk me in.  Of course I was a nervous wreck!  It's a small OR room.  I walked in and laid on the bed.  They administered some meds to help me relax because I was shaking a crying.  I had to place my legs in the high stirups and they strapped them in them... really comfortable- said no one ever!!  The next thing I remember I was in recovery and could barely keep my eyes open!  They were able to retrieve 22 eggs and they will look at all of them and which ever ones are mature and healthy will be injected with Thomas' sperm and they will monitor them over the next couple of days.  With the amount they retrieved they anticipate transfer to be on Thursday.  I am so thankful that we were able to use my eggs and Thomas' sperm making the emrbyos 100% ours.  There are so many men and women wtih major fertility issues and they are not always able to use their eggs or sperm, so we are beyond blessed.  After the procedure I came home and slept most of the day.  The pain wasn't too bad just very uncomfortable.  I would do every part of this over again, do not get me wrong but I am happy that we are at the point we're at!  I tried not to take any pain meds just otc tylenol.  Here are some pictures from Friday--

Fingers crossed for #babybray

My biggest supporter and my baby daddy!!

good drugs! photo courtesy of my baby daddy!

My mom and I after surgery!

Saturday morning.. Woo wee, they weren't lying when they said today might be worse!  I had to take a pain pill this morning, and I knew I should have had more to eat for breakfast with the coedine!  About 30 minutes after I took the pill I started throwing up.  I don't mean to be TMI, but I also have had to take medicine to help me go to the bathroom ( 1 and 2, haha).  I think my body is saying it's had enough shots and pills for while.  Luckily I had some phenegran from a previous illness and I was able to take that to help with nausea.  My mom and Ray left this morning.  She was so exctied to be at the appointment with us yesterday.  Not only had Thomas and I became used to the fact of a baby not being in our cards but so did our family so now that we are this far along is beyond amazing.  While typing this Amber from Dr. Allon's office called to give us the report.  They retrieved 22 eggs and were able to feritlize 17 of them, out of those 17, 12 have survived and they will monitor them for the next couple of days.  She said they looked strong and very promising so we are still on for Thursday as the transfer date!  I can't wait to see how many make it to the final stage.  We will have some decisions to make.  We will keep them frozen for 1 year and go from there!  I just can't believe how far along we are in this process!! The swelling will not go down for about 2 weeks, and I have to be honest I will be kind of sad when it does.  It's the closest thing I'll ever have to a baby bump and then it will be gone.  Baby bump or not I can't wait to hold that baby in my arms.. everything that we've been through will just be a memory!  Thomas told me yesterday after I came out of surgery.. Babe, it's finally hitting me.. I'm going to be a daddy.  Talk about water works!  OUr child and I are so blessed to have him.  He is going to be the best daddy!!  Well I'm going to take a nap and see if I can get myself motivated to clean up and maybe fix my hair! Till next time.. #babybray